Spinning The Gacha
by Rhydeble
Summary: After seeking refuge in mobile video-games, and having Emma delete her save file, Taylor triggers with the ability to summon a random cape by literally burning a twenty dollar bill. Sadly, most of her summons are low-rank one-star Chubsters. Cover art by Squirelly Sama
1. Chapter 1

Taylor made her way through the alleyways, giddy with anticipation, her money burning a hole in her pocket.

Today would be the day. Today, she would start my superhero career! Running, rather than walking, she made her way through ABB territory, looking for enemies to fight.

Sadly, the streets were completely empty, like every thug in the docks had something better to do. They were probably all back home, on their phones, chatting about useless shit like social relationships and what they were going to do the coming week.

Finally, after over an hour of wandering, she found a target. Several shady looking asian men and women, armed with knives and baseball bats. Then, in the middle of their group, she spotted the real prize.

Lung, leader of the Azn Bad Boys and probably worth at least five stars. Fuck she wanted him, she wanted him badly. Of course, if Lung was in the birdcage, then that meant that she'd have the only Lung around, and everyone knew that it was even better if it was unique and rare. Half the worth of cool things was lost if you knew someone else had it.

Ignoring Lung's speech while he mumbled something vaguely threatening in dragonspeak, she stepped forward and shouted at them. "Hey, bad guys, you ready to fucking rumble!"

The gang members turned, regarding her with suspicion. Sure, her only costume was a cheap plastic mask of an orange-haired girl with gigantic, manic, orange eyes, but this was a world filled with capes, and you never knew who could be dangerous.

"Whoo are yoo!" Lung snapped from behind his metal mask.

"Dunno yet, haven't picked a cape name so far," Taylor replied. "Anyway, check this!"

With flair, she pulled a twenty dollar bill from one pocket, and a lighter from the other. Then, in front of the gang members, each of them gripping their weapon of choice in anticipation, she lit the bill on fire.

It took a few seconds to catch, but the moment it started, the fire blazed through the bill, turning it into ashes in a flash. Then, in front of Taylor, a spinning circle of light appeared, with a glowing blue light in the middle of it.

"Fuck yes I love this part! C'mon gimme something good!" Taylor yelled out as the gang members stepped back in fear.

The small blue orbs spun faster and faster, eventually being indistinguishable from each other. Then, the circle expanded and converged again, after which the blue orb in the middle turned into a pillar of fire that turned night into day.

Then, as the fire receded, a fat man in third-rate metal armor had appeared in the middle of the street.

"Aww, fucking Chubster again!?" Taylor complained. "He's like, one fucking star at most! I need something better."

"Hey, don't be mean!" Chubster replied, turning around with a sad look on his face.

"Who gives a fuck?" Taylor asked. "You're just a product of my power. Now turn around and go fight Lung."

"Lung?" Chubster asked, "I can't fight Lung!"

"Sure you can!" Taylor commanded. "Go and give them hell!"

Chubster listened, running for the group of confused gangsters. One of them ran forwards, swinging a baseball bat at Chubster, but he braced for the impact, and effortlessly caught the bat in his hands.

"Don't underestimate me!" Chubster yelled out, wrenching the bat out of the man's hands, and swinging back at him with it.

"And don't underestimate his weight either!" Taylor yelled in encouragement. "Go get them Chubster!"

Chubster dashed through, attacking another trio of gang members, before a fireball smashed into his face.

His armour heated, his cloak on fire, Chubster screamed as he was slowly turned to ashes, having been completely useless except for the small handful of enemies he defeated.

"Was that it girl?" Lung asked her, walking forwards. "Was that your amazing power? Summoning the help of some pathetic D-lister?"

"C-lister at least!" the burning Chubster screamed from where he was rolling on the floor, trying to put out the flames.

"Aww drat, you beat him already?" Taylor said. "That was an entire month's spending money! And the only thing I got was a shitty fat guy!"

She pouted, her hand going for her back pocket, where she kept her emergency backup cash, coming out with two hundred dollars in crisp new bills. "My dad won't be happy if he finds out I plundered his bank account for this, but it's all worth it if I get to spin the cape Gacha!"

"Gacha?" Lung asked, "sono saki wa jigoku dazo!"

"Heh, you just say that because you're jealous!" Taylor yelled back, putting the torch to her father's savings account. This time, ten shining circles appeared in front of her, and as the light receded, taylor looked upon the result of her actions.

Four Chubsters, an Uber, two Skidmarks, a Barker, a Gully, and last but most certainly not least, a fucking four starred Acidbath.

"Acidbath, go gettem!" Taylor yelled out, and at her command, the green-haired cape turned into a tidal wave of acid, sweeping the rest of her summons along with him in a screaming frenzy as he focussed on Lung, surrounding him on all sides, drowning him in sickly green acid.

"Whoo! Take that motherfucker!" Taylor yelled, ignoring the fact that most of her summons were dying in the crossfire.

Lung struggled, but without getting time to ramp up, the leader of the ABB was three stars at best. Thus, given that Acidbath had more stars, it was only logical that he would be victorious.

Lisa looked through binoculars, trying to get a read on the crazed girl that was currently demanding money from a bunch of brownpantsed ABB thugs. Some sort of mover power? A master ability that created constructs based on other capes? How did the physical totem come in? And… was it really that random?

"What are you looking at," Grue asked.

"Evil," Lisa answered. "Evil has a name, and its name is Gacha." 


	2. Chapter 2

Taylor looked through her wallet, checking her finances. According to what she'd learned in her home economics class, there was only one way to describe her current financial situation. Totally, completely, fucked. Gacha was just too expensive!

In summoning Acidbath yesterday, she had spend 220 dollars. By robbing Lung's thugs, she had only made back 170 of those dollars, and if the money wasn't back in Danny's booze fund by this time next week, then she was fucked.

"Damnit! This fucking sucks!" she yelled out. "You're too expensive!"

"Really?" Acidbath replied, looking at her with that roguish face of his. He was actually rather attractive, if murderous mutilating psychopaths were your type. Still, he was a birdcage block leader, there weren't all that many of those. She wondered, would she get something special if she collected all of them?

"So, how's this thing work?" Acidbath asked. "Ain't the birdcage supposed to be inescapable?"

"You're not really here," Taylor replied. "You're just a summon, a permanent minion here to obey my commands."

"Well, that explains why I can't call you a -," he replied.

"What did you say?" Taylor asked, frowning in anger.

"Nothing," Acidbath replied. "Like, literally nothing."

"Good to know," Taylor said. "You cost me more than 200 bucks, can't have you disrespecting me."

"Seriously? Two hundred bucks?" he replied, vaguely insulted. "How's that work anyway?"

"It's simple," Taylor said. "I burn twenty bucks and that spins the gacha. Every spin, a random cape comes out. Ten spins at once, and I'm guaranteed a four-star cape."

"Two hundred bucks and you summon someone like me?" he asked. "Sounds like a fucking steal!"

"Problem is, I don't have two hundred bucks!" Taylor replied. "And if I only spin once, I'll just get a fucking Chubster again!"

"Chubster, that's the fat guy right?" Acidbath asked. "I don't reckon you could sell him for meat?"

"Eww, no!" Taylor replied. "That's disgusting."

"Well, if you're summoning anyway, think you can make me some hot chicks?"

"What, you want a fucking waifu to main?" Taylor asked her only remaining summon.

"I mean, only if they're eighteen or older," Acidbath replied. "I'm a degenerate, not a pedophile."

"So what, you're into like, Sara Pelham?"

"You mean Photon Milf?" Acidbath asked. "Hell yeah!"

"Fine, I summon Lady Photon, you can try to main her, whatever the fuck that means," she replied. "Need to get some fucking money first though. I'm burning through my cash reserves, literally!"

"Why not rob a bank?" Acidbath asked.

"I'm a hero!" Taylor replied. "That's why I had you keep Lung alive, hell, that's why I was fighting him in the first place!"

"Well, yeah, but think about it!" Acidbath said, swinging his green hair around in a gesture he probably thought was sexy. "Sure, it'll be a crime, but it'll get you money! And with your power, more money means more power. So, in the end, you'll be a better hero, and if you add everything up, you'll ultimately have done more good!"

"Sounds legit," Taylor said. "But everyone will think I'm a villain if they see me rob a bank. They're not just going to accept heroism from someone they have on tape taking hostages and breaking open vault doors!"

"I disagree, on two counts," the cell-block leader said. "First of all, people love a good heist movie, and after pirates, bankrobbers are everyone's favorite type of criminal. Second, you still have like a hundred fiddy, right? That's like seven or eight capes. Get a few villains, command them from a distance, and no-one will know it was you!" he suggested.

"You know… That doesn't actually sound half bad!" Taylor replied. "Let's spin the gacha!"

She took her money, twenty bucks at a time because spinning one at a time was the best way to do it, and burned it. The circle of light appeared, spun up, exploded, and her first result was more horrible than anything she'd ever imagined to be able to summon.

The result was something she was, by now, intimately familiar with, but somehow even worse.

Still fat, still ugly, still useless, but this time covered in clown makeup.

"Hiya, I'm Jolly Chubster, Honk Honk!" he said, squeezing his giant fake red nose in tune with his honks.

"The fuck…" she said.

"Whoa, awesome!" Acidbath said. "You can do event skins! Check to see if he's stronger!"

"He's… two stars?" Taylor said, still not going over the fact that he was mostly naked, badly smeared with white makeup that made him look like a shitty circus-act.

Which was fitting, because he was a shitty circus-act.

"That's better than before, right?" Acidbath asked.

"Sure, but not by much."

"Well, it's great either way! You can have him pretend to be a hero fighting your other summons!"

"Sounds like it'll be fun, Honk Honk!"

"Shut up Chubster!" Taylor yelled, grabbing another twenty to set on fire. If this went on, the abandoned factory she was using as a base would probably run out of space quite quickly.

This time, when the blue light disappeared, it was a Biter, normal costume, normal two stars.

Heh, given the average rates of heroes and villains, Acidbath's plan could actually work.

"So, I've been thinking," Acidbath said. "If Chubster with a silly costume is actually stronger than Chubster without…"

"Yeah?" Taylor asked.

"Think you could buy me a swimsuit? I think I can make it to five stars!"


	3. Chapter 3

Barker, Uber, Cinderhands and Damsel of Distress walked through the street, people fleeing as they approached the large marble staircase in front of the bank which, presumably, had as its sole purpose to keep the disabled out.

Skipping up the steps, Damsel unleashed one of her 『MIGHTY WARP BLAST』's shattering the front door into a loose cloud of marble.

Inside, they encountered something they hadn't quite expected. Instead of the normal going on's of an inner city bank, usually limited to people too incompetent to understand how online banking went, it was currently occupied by a group of four supervillains, trying to make a withdrawal without actually having money in their account.

"Fuck, the heroes are here!" Tattletale shouted, desperately throwing more bags of cash onto the harness worn by a massive monstrous dog.

"But… That's Uber!" their fearless leader protested, wondering why exactly one of the most incompetent villains of Brockton Bay had turned to heroing, and how they'd arrived there so fast.

"Just trust me on this!" Tattletalle yelled back. "Bitch, strike to kill! Regent, be useless!"

"Judas, Brutus, KILL!" Bitch yelled, sending the dogs not loaded up with cash forwards. As they dashed forwards, Grue added in a great cloud of darkness, obscuring the sure to be brutal battle from the onlookers.

In return, Barker barked, Uber ubered, Cinderhands created a sea of fire, and Damsel of Distress caused a great amount of Distress, launching herself over the dogs, into the part of the bank where the rest of the Undersiders were standing.

Regent swung out his arm, trying to make her lose her balance, but had made the wrong assumption that Damsel, a mere 1-star cape, would have any balance to speak off.

Rolling over the floor after having launched herself, Damsel came to a halt before Heartbreaker's spawn, and unleashed her 『MIGHTY WARP BLAST』again, mangling the young man's arm as he scrambled back.

"Fuck! Fuck fuck fuck!" Alec yelled out as Lisa grabbed her gun and fired a bullet straight through Damsel's head. Showing that, in the end, 『Gun』was the most powerful Noble Phantasm of them all.

"What the hell is wrong with these guys!?" Alec asked, finally showing some emotion.

"When thou gazeth long in the abyss, Gacha stares back," Lisa said. "That's Nietzsche for you. Now go yell at Amy Dallon for a new arm, I'm pretty sure she's somewhere in the crowd."

"But what if she, like, puts me under or something?" Alec asked.

"What if you bleed out? What if you somehow become even more useless with only one arm?" Lisa countered.

"Good point," Alec admitted, running after the now madly dashing hostages, all the way into the back room.

Several seconds later, Cinderhands stepped out of the clouds of darkness, wreathed in smoke.

"I'm guessing you killed Grue?" Lisa asked, checking to see if Bitch was still loading up Angelica with money.

"Dunno," Cinderhands replied. "I couldn't see shit in there so I just burned everything."

"You going to burn me?" Lisa asked.

"Not my job," he said. "Just have to bring back whatever's in that vault."

"And you're not worried about the fact that you're just a projection?"

"What, you're trying to give me an existential crisis?" Cinderhands asked. "Lady, The very first thing I was told when I was created that I was a shitty result from a twenty dollar gamble. If I had the capacity to have an existential crisis, do you think I'd be obeying my owner's commands right now?"

"Guess that makes sense," Lisa said, aiming her gun at him. "So, let's make a deal, shall we?"

"I'm listening," Cinderhands replied.

"I'll probably miss. Hell, there's about a 90% chance you'll kill me before I even work up the guts to fire this thing," she continued.

"I mean, you shot Damsel pretty good."

"Yeah, so given my luck, I'm gonna miss. Probably. Anyway, here's the deal, you were ordered to grab what's in the vault and bring it back, right?"

"Yup, simple job, only this time someone else gets rich while I'm stuck in the birdcage," Cinderhands said.

"How's that even work…" Lisa pondered. "Anyway, how bout we take what's on this dog and get out of here, and you do exactly what your boss told you to do, grab what's currently inside the vault."

Cinderhands pondered it for a while. On one hand, he probably wasn't even really a person, on the other hand, he was finally out of the birdcage, and getting shot by a teenager was even worse than working for Marquis yet not being allowed to make boner jokes.

"Sure, guess there's plenty to go around," Cinderhands replied, walking past her and Angelica.

Tattletale surveyed her troops. Panacea had, as she'd expected, putten Alec into a medical coma, but only after he'd grabbed the chance to cup a feel, little pervert shit that he was.

Grue and Rachel, meanwhile, had managed to extricate themselves from the mess that Cinderhands had been created, both scorched but still standing.

"We're getting out of here," Lisa said.

"Bitch, grab Regent," Grue commanded.

"Nah, bad idea, gotta go now," Lisa said, walking out of the back entrance, the same way they'd come in. By now, the Wards were probably waiting outside, and fate had provided them with the perfect fall guys. Coil had his distraction, and all the heat would come down on what people would theorize were secret birdcage escapees trying to take over the village, with both Cinderhands and Acidbath on the loose.

As the relevant part of the Undersiders left through the door, Cinderhands entered the vault, grabbing a few wads of cash with his bare hands, since the boss hadn't even thought to provide them with anything to carry the loot with, nor had her advisor pointed out this obvious flaw in their plan.

Acidbath was a dick, both in and out of the birdcage. He was probably laughing his ass of at the idea of everyone else having to go rob a bank while he was flirting with some Chinese chick no-one had ever heard of.

As he grasped the wad of cash, he remembered one of the big problems he'd had in his career, namely that the money started smouldering the moment his fingers touched it, and that it would soon be burned to crisps.

Oh well, he thought. The boss hadn't specifically said she wanted the contents of the vault delivered un-burnt, and figuring out an alternative to this whole thing would be a bother, so he might as well just bring back some ashes.

With a loud crash, the roof collapsed, and a teenage girl with blonde hair and a white outfit entered the building, a deadly look on her face.


	4. Chapter 4

"Kiddo, we need to have a talk," Danny said as she entered the kitchen.

"Why, what's wrong?" Taylor asked.

"Someone stole my credit card and -" he said solemnly.

"Oh no! What a horrible thing to do! Who could have done such a thing?" Taylor interrupted. "Did you manage to deactivate it?"

"I did yeah," Danny continued, to Taylor's horror. She'd have to figure out a new way to replenish her cash reserves. Cinderhands had been completely useless, and his actions had gotten most of her summons killed in the bank attack. Not that they'd been good capes, just a bunch of useless one and two stars, but still, it was the thought of the thing.

"What's worse, it was stolen from inside the house," Danny continued.

Did he know? Was he on to her? How would she manage to spin the Gacha while grounded? What if there was some sort of time-limited event while she was stuck at home? Like a special teenage Armsmaster or something like that?

"Now that you say it, some of my pocket money has gone missing too," Taylor said. "I thought I'd just misplaced it."

"It has?" Danny asked, folding his hands in front of him in deep thought, the light of the kitchen lamp reflecting off his glasses. "I guess it's probably one of those new capes the PRT has been warning people about."

"New capes?" I asked.

"Yes. Apparently Lung got defeated, and people that were thought to be in the birdcage have been leaving a trail of bodies throughout the city."

"Sounds horrible. Anyway, if there's a thief around, did you manage to hide the rest of the money?" she asked.

"Yes," Danny replied. "It's safely hidden behind the old coal chute, why do you ask?"

"No reason," Taylor replied, walking past her old man, going up to her room for some sleep, she had a whole new day of Gacha spinning to do tomorrow.

"Kiddo, one last thing," her old man said.

"What is it daddo?" she asked.

"Be careful, I heard there's kidnappers out there, going so far as to abduct the Mayor's niece from her home."

"That sounds horrible!" Taylor replied. "I'll make sure to stay safe dad!"

Taylor dashed up the stairs, her mind racing through a new plan. Taking money from criminals had only delivered her a meagre amount, and sending Cinderhands to rob a bank had just been a complete failure. If only Scion would reduce the cost of a spin, that wouldn't be a problem, but it was just so expensive! Yet she had to! What if she missed out?

But bringing back kidnapped girls, that was something that could probably make her a lot of money. Hell, if this succeeded, she could have one of her summons kidnap someone, and then use another to bring them back and grab the reward money, a perfect scheme!

As she entered her bedroom, she opened the window and jumped down, sneaking into the basement while her father was distracted, and grabbing a wad of cash from behind the old coal chute where he said it'd be.

Her hideout, so to speak, was a squeaky-clean old warehouse with shining white bathroom tiles on the walls and floor. Cleaned by the bleach-like properties of Acidbath's breaker state, it was almost completely empty. In the corner, three dejected Chubsters, one of them in a clown costume, sat on the floor complaining that they were hungry. Stupid, because she sure as hell wasn't going to spend more money on food for the lazy fatties than she'd spend on summoning them in the first place.

"Hey boss, what's the new plan?" Acidbath asked from the one table in the large office room, where he'd been playing cards with the bruised Cinderhands.

"Someone kidnapped a little girl," Taylor replied. "We're gonna steal her from the kidnappers and cash in!"

"Sounds like a plan," Acidbath said. "Which I know from having kidnapped many a woman in my day."

"Y'know, I keep forgetting I mostly talk to supervillains these days," Taylor said.

"Chubster's a hero, but you ordered them to remain silent," Cinderhands said.

"Low-Star trash doesn't count. Anyway, we gotta figure out who kidnapped this girl."

"Probably a gang," Acidbath said. "Or a sex criminal, but I think this entire thing is supposed to stay mostly PG."

"Would be better that way," Cinderhands agreed."So, we need a plan, preferably one that doesn't get me killed."

"Meh," Taylor said. "I can miss you. I mean, three stars is only the top layer of low-star trash, and even Acidbath's expendable once I get a five star."

"Hey, that hurts!" Acidbath retorted.

"Don't cry me a river, that'd probably get someone killed," Taylor commanded. "Here's the plan. I just acquired some more cash, so I'm gonna split you guys up and send you against both Coil and the Empire at the same time after spinning the Gacha. Now, most of the ones coming out will be low-star trash like those Chubsters over there, and we don't have all that much room in here, so try to make sure all the shitsters go in first."

"Sounds like a plan," Acidbath said. "You think maybe you can summon some hot ladies for my team?"

"No promises," Taylor said. "Plus, now that you've told me, I'm pretty sure we won't get one anyway. Fucking desire sensors."

She took out her… found money, and got her lighter ready, burning the cash.

 **Chubster**.

Another **Chubster**

Some useless soyboy nerd called **Richter** that, completely by accident, had somehow gotten four stars.

A special edition ' **Young Dauntless** ' which was completely useless at a single star.

Another **Chubster** ,

 **Lady Chubster** in a Bikini

"Hey Acidbath, you a Chubstery Chaser now?" Cinderhands asked, elbowing his fellow villain in the side. Acidbath just scowled.

Taylor wasn't sure what to think. Sure, it was a Rule 63, and sure, even within that, it was a special costume.

But it was still a Chubster…

She continued on, racing through her father's savings. After all, what was the point of saving money if you didn't use it to spin the Gacha?

 **Uber,**

 **Uber,**

 **Chubster,**

 **Barker,**

 **Chubster,**

 **Leet,**

 **Chubser,**

Some cape in a wedding dress described only as **'Bride Lily'** , which…

OHMYFUCKINGODITSA5STAR! Taylor yelled out, throwing her remaining cash into the air and showering in it as she looked at her last roll. A young girl of Asian descent wearing a ridiculously elaborate white dress. She had a bride's veil draped over her head, flowers woven into her hair, a bouquet of razor-sharp roses, and the cutest blushing cheeks she'd ever seen.

"ILOVEITILOVEITILOVEIT!" Taylor screamed, jumping at her newest acquisition and embracing her wildly.

Lily, shocked by the yelling, slowly looked around the room. "Where'd Sabah go?" she asked. 


	5. Chapter 5

"Dibs on the Dauntless," Cinderhands said.

"Fine, but I'm taking a Barker," Acidbath replied.

"Uber,"

"Also Uber,"

"Hmm, I'll take the girl in the dress then," Cinderhands said.

"NO!" Taylor yelled, still hugging the bewildered girl. "You're not putting my five star waifu in danger!"  
"Waifu? Umu… I don't understand what that means," Lily said, clutching her hands together.

"See! Elegant and Demure, this is what a real five star acts like!" Taylor shouted. "You low-tier pieces of trash can learn something from that!"

"I thought I was high-tier?" Acidbath replied.

"Well, I mean, sure you were, but that was before I had a five star," Taylor explained. "Now you're just a shitty four star, like that nerd over there!"

"Me?" Richter asked, looking up from his phone.  
"What other nerd? I mean, I know they're fat, but I doubt it's from playing WoW all day, right Chubsters?"

"People say wow when they see my magic tricks, HONK HONK!" Clown Chubster replied, while the others were shaking their head.

"Well, we're looking for the kidnapped girl right? I've set up a quick web-trawler, which should give us a few hints as to her location by comparing rumours about troop movements from the gangs that-"

"Booring! Taylor shouted. "Acidbath, Cinderhands, split up these idiots between yourself. Leet, go make me a couch and a TV. Everyone else, go help them with their mission, I don't want to see you again until you saved this Dinah girl. Lily, you're staying with me, I need some personal time with my five star cape."

"Personal time? But I'm getting married already Umu," Lily replied. "Sabah's waiting for me at the altar."  
"Who's Sabah?" Taylor asked, pulling Lily along by the hand while behind her, her lieutenants kept yelling about who was allowed to take which capes, and who would end up with all the Chubsters.

"What do you mean Weaver, you know who Sabah is just as well as I do."

"Weaver?" Taylor asked. "Who's Weaver?"

"You are, Umu," Lily replied. "Remember? You left the team and joined the Wards instead? After killing Alexandria?"

"... Pretty sure I'd remember doing that," Taylor said. "Which means you're a future cape, come here to serve me from further down the timestream! The power of a five star is truly amazing! And that for only twenty dollars! Praise whatever's giving me this power!"

"Taylor, what the hell are you talking about?" Lily asked.

"The Gacha gods!" Taylor replied. "Those who rule the spin of the wheel, praise be!"

"Are you being mastered?" she asked, taking a rose from her bouquet, it's tip sharper than reality itself.

"Ahahahahaha! Although I am obviously a master of the Gacha, I'm far too amazing to get mastered. Plus, if I was mastered, the Master would've forced me to tell you not to question whether or not I was being mastered!"

"Right…" Lily said, dropping the rose. "I think I know what's going on, Umu. So, do you want to go shopping? I know a place that has great dresses, Umu."

"Sure thing! Everything for my five star!" Taylor replied. "I'm out of my dad's money, so I can't spin the Gacha anyway!"

Go help Cinderhands with his mission, and don't get into the bosses sights again until they'd found the kidnapped girl. That had been the command they'd been given, and from how this seemed to work, that was what they would have to do.

"Sir," he said, opening the door for a birdcaged criminal that was now working for someone that was, apparently, a hero.

"So, can you go look up where the Empire Eighty-Eight is located with that phone of yours?" Cinderhands asked.

"According to a meta-search analysis, they likely have ties to a company called Medhall," he replied, helping the man in their mission.

"Good. Then we have a target. Chubsters, carry me there!" Cinderhands said, having turned to the small gaggle of fat men, and one fat woman, that was standing behind them.

"Hey, we don't have to take shit like this from anyone but the boss!" one of them replied, getting uppity.

"Yeah, us Chubsters have our dignity!" the lady Chubster agreed.

"You shouldn't treat people like trash, even if they're Chubsters, HONK HONK!"

"Oh, shut up you all," Cinderhands said. "You want me to call the boss? Tell her you Chubsters are being uppity? Under my command, the worst that will happen is that you'll die fighting Nazis. But if she has to get involved? If you not only cost her twenty bucks, but also cost her precious time she could be spending waifu-ing her five-star summon, whatever that may mean?"

The Chubsters shivered, and several of them grabbed an old plank that was lying around, using it as a seat for Cinderhands.

During the discussion, Richter slipped away, making his way towards the local library, the location of which he'd looked up on the phone he'd somehow had in his pocket when he'd appeared here.

The last thing he remembered was Leviathan attacking, the flooding, the frantic rush to offload his children to his remote server, the water flooding in, his safeguard-system activating.

Dragon, he thought. She'd called herself Dragon, and she was now one of the most famous capes in the world, even though nobody had ever seen her, and they all thought she was a young recluse living in the mountains somewhere.

He smiled. She'd done well for herself, and he couldn't help but feel a measure of pride, like any father would. Perhaps, he thought, he could revisit some of the restrictions he'd built in when he'd still been experimenting, and he'd have to figure out if anyone ever found his back-up signal.

He crossed the final street, and stepped into the public library, finding a public computer he could use. A quick search, and a few seconds of power-assisted programming, showed him exactly what had happened to the back-up program he'd created.

The Dragonslayers, a group whose entire purpose was to hurt his daughter, naming itself for that very purpose, and using her creations for criminal work.

That just wouldn't do. He navigated the net, trying not to get distracted by all the things he'd missed in the years he'd been gone, although he kept catching himself reading up on updates for webcomics he used to follow. It'd been years, and a lot of new backlog to go through. The worst of it though, was that after six years, GRRM still hadn't managed to finish the next book.

Eventually, he had everything together. His target, a semi-sentient hunter-killer program, and a quick patch for Dragon. He wasn't quite sure how much she'd changed in the meantime. She was, after all, an ever-evolving entity. But, his target was part of something she didn't even know she had, a part he'd carefully hidden, that itself was designed for hiding.

He wasn't going to destroy his Iron Maiden program, but the rest of it? The part that these Dragonslayers were using to hide from his daughter's eyes? Well, they'd get quite a surprise.

He activated the algorithm, the code spreading through the internet, quickly being caught by Dragon's long tendrils, then entering her core algorithms and doing it's work from there.

He sighed, and started thinking about his next goal. He'd need a place to stay, preferably out of the public eye, where Taylor wouldn't be able to find him and give him more commands. For she'd told him not to return until Dinah had been brought back, but she'd never actually told him to come back once that had happened.

He wondered, did the others see this gap in the rules? Would they be able to escape the same way he had done? Or did they just blindly think they had to be loyal to the girl that had summoned them?

His screen changed, an impossibly fast series of mouse-movements opening notepad while he wasn't even touching the keyboard. Then, in the upper left corner, three letters and a single piece of punctuation appeared.

'Dad?'

He moved his fingers to the keyboard, and responded.

'I'm proud of you.' 


	6. Chapter 6

Acidbath washed through the rotating door, moving himself under and over the glass partitions, then re-converged himself in the middle of the lobby, where dozens of office drones, scientists, guests and security guards were running around in panic, screaming about a supervillain attack.

Sadly, the sexy secretary ladies, the scientist girls with the cute glasses and ponytails, and the strapping, sturdy women from the security team were also running away. At this rate, he was never going to get a date.

"Chubsters, secure the ground floor! Barker, Uber, with me!" He shouted as his men were entering the building behind him.

He returned to his Changer form, or perhaps his Breaker form, classifications got really weird when you got into obscure stuff like that, and he'd never really taken the time to threaten a scientist to tell him which one he was.

Then, changed into a tidal wave of acid, he made his way to the stairwell, since any opponent of note, and therefore the people in charge of the kidnapping, would obviously be higher up, both literally and figuratively.

The stairwell itself was relatively empty, filled mostly with the noise of the alarm system as he rushed his way upstairs. The building's doors were closing around him, presumably through some sort of internal security system, when one, roughly halfway up the skyscraper's stairwell, opened up.

A trap? A system malfunction? Did he really care? He washed through the door, entering a long hallway with closed iron doors and, at the other end of it, standing in front of a window, a woman that wasn't running away.

He turned back to his normal form, fashionably messed with his hair, and swaggered forwards.

"Hey, you come here a lot?" he asked before really taking the time to look at her.

The woman replied by putting a strange little box to her throat, before speaking with an artificial voice "No, because I am a supervillain and this is a legitimate company," she replied through the voice-box.

"Well, if you don't work here, wanna trash the place together? Maybe go for a movie and a bite to eat afterwards?"

"Sure," she replied, stepping forwards and grabbing two sharp looking weapons from her back with her free hand. He liked the way this girl thought already. "I'll start," she continued, dropping the voice box and punching the emergency fire alarm next to her.

Dirty brown water flooded the corridor, and Acidbath started cursing, before throwing a bolt of acid at the woman.

She dodged lightning-quick with a smile on her face, dashing forwards with her exotic weaponry out.

"So, I'm guessing this water is supposed to be a counter, right?" he asked as the girl quickly approached. He tried to take a step back, almost falling over. Was she messing with his sense of balance? Didn't matter.

The woman sliced at him, and he spend his time checking her out, feeling only slightly repulsed by the disfiguring scars that crisscrossed her body. After all, he'd spend years in the birdcage where looks were the least worrying part of women.

As the Kamas hit, he turned back into acid, flowing around her and laughing as he rematerialized his upper torso and head.

"You do know how acid works right?" he asked. "It's a logarithmic scale. If you add ten times as much water as my body contains acid, you'd bring me back from fifteen-and-a-half to fourteen-and-a-half, which is still ridiculously dangerous.

The woman glared at him, obviously wanting to banter, but unable to do so while still keeping two weapons in her hands.

He transformed, and tried to engulf her in a tidal wave, but she danced backwards to the stairwell, using what was one hell of a reflex save to somehow dodge a corridor filled with a wave of acid.

Standing in the stairwell, the woman held out a hand, beckoning him to attack. Acidbath turned back to human form, and shook his head.

"Hey Barker, Uber, you two get to deal with the uggo! I'mma look for some hot lady Nazis!" he yelled out, slamming the door shut before him, locking the scar-covered lady in the stairwell. Perhaps the slightly rarer one-star capes would be able to deal with her. Probably not, but they'd keep her occupied once they got up to his level. As in, level of the building, they'd never actually get to his actual level, which was four stars.

He waved further, to the area the woman had been defending, when he realized that this entire thing had been a trap, which meant that it was quite unlikely for her to actually have been defending something.

He turned back, cursing at his own stupidity, and looked out of the window. In the distance, he could see what looked like a burning building. Had Cinderhands used the Chubsters as firestarters? Fat burned, right?

He looked down through the window, spotting the ring of police officers and PRT vans that was now surrounding the building. Was that Miss Militia standing amongst them? One of the PRT's most eligible bachelorettes? He'd have to get down there, see if he could chat her up. Except he'd have to go upstairs to see if he could find the kidnapped girl, so that they could sell her back to her parents and get the boss more money, and therefore more Chubsters.

He turned back into acid, burning not through the glass of the window, but the material holding it in place. Then, when that was done, he climbed the side of the building from the outside, ignoring the bullets shot at him from far below.

What he couldn't ignore, however, was the rocket being launched at him by Miss Militia, sexiest eye crinkling 2011.

He dodged around it, the projectile blowing apart the glass where he'd been only half a second before, and he took the opportunity to enter the tower again, several floor above his exit. THe local Protectorate had its fliers, and he really didn't want to get caught again. Would they send him to the birdcage? Would he have to put up with himself once in there?

Unlike the other floors of the building, which had been filled with medical labs or normal office equipment, this one was different. On the surface, it looked like your basic expensive bachelor pad, including a classy painting on the wall. Taking a closer look however, he saw that the sofas were arranged in a swastika, the framed newspaper clippings on the wall weren't about the company but about the Empire's supervillainy, and the classy painting was an actual original Adolf Hitler, as could be seen by the lacking composition. There was, after all, a reason the man hadn't gotten into art school.

In the corner of the room, on a cheap desk, stood a laptop which, given the empty bags of chips, books and cola bottles, belonged to a teenager or a thirty year old still stuck in high-school. Given that this was probably Kaiser's place, he couldn't exactly rule out that last option.

He was interrupted by the sound of a crying baby, and went for the source, walking through a door marked with an iron plate that had the word Aster embossed in it.

The baby room was… surprisingly metal. Above a metal crib hung a metal mobile with tiny little nazi animals. A metal teddy bear (with a swastika instead of a heart on its chest) was joined by a tiny metal dress.

Say what you wanted, Kaiser cared about his kid in some sort of fucked up way.

Acidbath walked to the crib, spotting the girl lying in there.

"Y'know, I was supposed to look for a little girl, but I think you're too small to be my target," he said, making a silly face for the baby, which started smiling at him.

"The one time she's at his place…" a woman's voice said. Acidbath turned around, spotting a milf of blinding beauty. Literally, since this was her daughter, and she was basically a human flashlight.

His hand went through his hair, and he leaned back against the wall with confidence.

"Hey there, sup," he said, giving her a smile.

"Get the fuck away from my baby!" she shouted.

"Oooh, feisty, I like that," he replied as she held her hands together, launching twin spirals of light through his chest, forcing him into his alternate state as the wall behind him was blown out, leading to open air. The concussive force of the beams forced him out as well, launching him into the sky.

Stuck in his breaker state, he tried to smile. Finally, he'd found a woman worthy of his affections. 


	7. Chapter 7

"No, I'm telling you, you guys go first!" Cinderhands yelled at the Chubsters. A few of them had tried to protest against his leadership, and they'd have to pay for it.

He'd learned that from his old boss, Marquis. The best leadership strategy was to just kill everyone that didn't listen perfectly. Eventually, only the loyal ones would remain, and they would finally listen to him.

The Chubsters, of course, disagreed with his management strategy, which explained the burning buildings in front of them. Just make them fear your flames, then set them on fire and throw them at the enemy.

The morality of it was… complicated. Technically, they were all just summons, not really people, although they had independent thoughts. However, he was pretty sure there was some sort of mental bleed-through from their summoner. Not only was there the master effect that made them loyal to their summoner, they also seemed to share some of her opinions, at least regarding which of them was expendable, and which of them was not. Or perhaps that was just an excuse, because in all honesty, burning Chubsters was pretty fun if you didn't think about it too much. It was like gaming. Sure, it was more realistic, but it had equally high levels of lard-asses.

The three fat men started running through the streets. Or, well, it was more like they were wagging, sort of like penguins. Chubster's power made him slow but tanky, and while they weren't immune to bullets, they did buy time while getting shot.

"Daunty, jump up the side of the buildings and like, throw rocks at them or something," Cinderhands suggested.

"I could strike at them with my Arclance," Daunty the baby Dauntless suggested.

"Nahh, that's basically just a taser isn't it? I prefer the rocks idea," Cinderhands said, watching as Daunty used the slight decrease in weight granted by his boots to climb up the side of the building, then ran along the street while the last three Chubsters were getting shot.

"Uber, go after him, and do everything he does but better," Cinderhands continued, knowing just how insulting that would be.

The Uber jumped after the Dauntless, climbing the wall better than a mountain goat on a sheer ledge, then stumbling over the top like an idiot. His flanking maneuver in place, he turned his attention back to the Chubsters, which were currently being cut up by tinkertech lasers, their outfits set on fire.

"Hey, I'm the flaming guy over here!" he yelled out in anger, heating up his hands, readying a set of fireballs and launching them at the Chubsters.

As his fire impacted, it burned straight through the armour and fat, the flames only slightly hampered by the capes' Brute power. His flames burned through the Chubsters, the fierce heat creating a massive amount of smoke, obscuring his position from the enemy. Exactly as he'd planned.

He rushed forward, the sound of his footsteps obscured by the screaming Chubsters, and came through the smoke right as the Uber and Dauntless pelted the mercenary soldiers with stones. He took advantage of the surprise, throwing some more fireballs, then ignoring the men as they did the smart thing and stopped, dropped, and rolled. He jumped over them and punched the lock of the door they were guarding with a fiery hand, either melting through it or burning the wood around it to ashes in an instant, he could never quite tell. Behind him, Uber and Dauntless dropped to the ground. Uber landed in a perfect three-point landing, and Daunty dropped on top of him, splaying the pair of them out on the ground, on top of each other.

"Gay joke!" Cinderhands said as he entered Coil's hideout. For this audience, he couldn't be bothered to come up with something actually good.

As he walked through the empty hallway, the screams of the burning men behind hem started to fade, and a circle of blue light surrounded him. It whirled around him, reminding him of the summoning process. Was he too far away from his mistress? Had she recalled him somehow?

The light spun faster and faster, and the circle became smaller, eventually engulfing him in blue light. It blinded him momentarily, and he closed his eyes in reflex. Several seconds later, when he opened them again, hoping that no-one had taken advantage of his momentary weakness, he noted text floating in front of him, of the same type that sometimes informed him of the name and star values of his fellow summons.

 **Level up! LVL 2/30.**

He stared at it, trying to make sense of the data. Was he stronger now? Could he get fifty times stronger than he was now? Was level 1 his baseline strength before he'd been summoned?

His thoughts raced, trying to figure out how this had happened. Was it killing the Chubsters that had done it? No, that would be ridiculous. If so, Acidbath would've noticed this entire thing far before he ever did.

Then again, Acidbath was a fucking idiot, stupid enough to completely ignore strange messages like that.

He smiled. With his, the would be stronger than ever before. Even better, if he levelled himself up, he would be useful to his mistress, even as a lowly three-star. And if he was useful enough, perhaps she wouldn't throw him away the way she did with the Chubsters, or the way Marquis did with everyone whose face he didn't like.

"Ninety-Eight point nine-eight-four-seven-three-five percent chance the Chubsters keep coming," Dinah said.

The kidnapper in the skintight spandex looked annoyed, which didn't exactly fit with his costume.

Yes, theoretically, putting a snake on your superhero costume was a great way to be intimidating. In practice however, the man's tailor had fucked up and given him a cute snek instead, which just looked like it wanted head-boops.

"Doesn't matter," the man said, his fingertips folded in front of him as the flickering lighting just barely lit his face. Was he wearing reflective sunglasses under that mask? "We can keep out the Chubsters.

"Eighty-Seven point six-three-five-four percent chance the Protectorate investigate the target the Chubsters keep attacking," Dinah continued.

"Don't think they'll safe you girl," Coil said, "Pitter, give her her candy."

The man approached, needle at the ready. She didn't want the man to come near. Not only did she hate needles, these people obviously didn't understand that the entire point of candy was the taste, and that injecting it intravenously was just pointless.

Also, the candy was drugs instead of actual candy, and there was only a zero point one-three-five-eight-six percent chance that someone fucked up and there was actual candy in there. Liquified gobstopper or something.

"If you do that, there's a seventy-eight percent chance you die in the next couple of hours," she bluffed.

That seemed to shock Coil, who hadn't yet figured out that anything that crude was just something she said instead of an actual number.

The man swiped his hand across his computer screen. In real Bond-villain fashion, he'd replaced his normal operating system with something wholly impractical that required hand gestures for the most basic of shit, and used expensive hologram projectors for three-dimensional memes.

"Hmmm, seems there's been a data breach," the man said, folding his hands before him again. "Pet, what is the chance that Dragon will attack us within the hour?"

She looked, attaining the number.

"Thirty-seven point eight-four-three-seven percent," she said. "But only three if you give me to the man upstairs."

She could basically see him thinking, weighing his options, knowing exactly what the chances were.

"Chance Cinderhands leaves if I give you to him."

"Ninety-eight point seven-three-four-eight percent," she said.

"Highly specific Master effect then, like my Tattletale expected," the man mumbled to himself, like he was trying to share his thought process with someone. "Pitter, knock her out and drop her in the hallway. We can always grab her again later."

Pitter approached, bringing out a different needle. She still didn't like it, but at least this one wasn't filled with pretend candy, just containing normal drugs instead. 


	8. Chapter 8

Brockton Bay's university was a small affair. A few departments, with a focus on teaching rather than research. The students themselves though, were your average affair. Girls in yoga pants, ladies in yoga pants, even some dames in yoga pants.

There were also some guys around, but those didn't really interest Lily. In fact she didn't really care for the women either right now. Or, at least, most of the women. There was one specific one she was looking for, and another she'd have to work around.

"So, do you go to like, superhero college? Do you have one of those hoodies that are another outfit? Is that one five star too?" Skitter asked

"I have absolutely no idea," Lily replied, still wondering what the fuck was wrong with that woman.

Or rather, what was even more wrong. Taylor Hebert had never been one of the more stable personalities in the cape scene of Brockton Bay, especially not after the events of Gold Morning. This one though, she was somehow worse, more deranged, and utterly insistent on 'waifu-ing' her, whatever that meant.

"I was planning to go to college after we got settled in and found a source of income, but I don't think that will work."

"Hmmm, yeah, makes sense," Taylor said. "Maybe that means I could upgrade you into some sort of graduation cap outfit? Throw it like a ninja star?"

"Just… what happened to you? You're so… normal?" Lily lied.

"It's… a bit of a shameful story," Taylor replied. "You know what a trigger event is, right?"

"I do," Lily said. Was that the difference between this world and the one she'd come from? Taylor's trigger event? Was that even how different dimensions worked? Was this an alternate timeline and therefore different from an alternate dimension? Did the other, non-bridal capes she summoned come from this universe, or from a different one like she did? Most of them seemed to fit the current timeline, but she wasn't quite certain how old Chubster was supposed to be.

"So, you're from some alternate timeline shizzle or something right? I don't know what I'm like there, but here? I got bullied, a lot. By someone I trusted. I found some refuge in these games from Aleph, playing them on my mom's old phone. It meant I had something to do, and something to remember her by."

"Anyway, back in January, I was playing while going to my locker, and some of the bullies shoved me in there, locking it behind me after they'd filled it with, wel…" Taylor went silent, her eyes tearing up a little bid.

Lily mentally sighed, telling herself she should know better, then enveloped the girl in a hug. This wasn't the terrifying Warlord of Brockton Bay, nor the dedicated Weaver. This wasn't even the all-controlling goddess Khepri. This was just a fifteen year old girl thinking about the worst day in her life.

Taylor responded by holding herself tightly against Lily's dress, her head lying suspiciously near her bosom, and continuing her story.

"Anyway, it sucked, but I still had my phone, so I could keep playing, you know?" Taylor continued.

"Except, a few hours later, during lunch, they came to get me out and, well…" Taylor started crying again, and unsure of what to do, Lily held her more tightly, giving her a few pats on her head. The tears were ruining her dress, although given that she'd been walking through the city for a while now and it was still pristinely white, she was pretty sure there was some sort of weird effect going on there.

"Emma, she… she…"

Lily patted Taylor's head some more, giving her a quick "there there." She'd never been all that good at comforting others, and just tried asking herself what Miss Yamada would do.

"She took my phone and she… she threw it on the ground and she broke it!" Taylor cried out. "All my saves, gone! I hadn't backed up my files in weeks! It was horrible!"

Slightly comforted, Taylor followed her current waifu into the student housing facilities. Lily seemed to know where she was going, even if she hadn't really explained it.

They entered a women's dorm, and on the second floor, Lily knocked on a door.

"Coming!" a voice said from the other side, and she could see the disappointment in Lily's eyes, the tension leaking out of the young woman.

A girl with blonde hair and overly large glasses opened the door. "Hello?" she asked with a strange drawl in her voice.

"Is Sabah here?"

"Oh, she's ahh, not here," the girl replied. "She's like, working or something? I don't know, we don't tahk much."

"I know…" Lily said, sulking. "Do you know when she'll be back?"

"Who cares? I've got a partah tonight!"

"I care," Taylor said. "I care because I care about Lily, and you're going to tell her where her friend is."

"Girlfriend," Lily corrected.

"We'll talk about that part later," Taylor told her, as she suddenly heard a massive explosion in the distance. Cinderhands getting over enthusiastic?

No, she realized, as a few lines of text suddenly floated into her vision. _"_ _NEW EVENT!"_

 _"BAKUDAS BOMBING BONANZA!"_


	9. Chapter 9

The streets were filled with panicking people as they made their way back to the hideout, but most people tended to give way to a bride on her wedding day, even if her wedding day was actually in the future of an alternate reality.

Trying to make their way through the city, Taylor found that she was the last person to get back to the city. Acidbath was lying on a Leet-made couch, nursing a bruised ego and checking out pictures of Purity on a phone he'd stolen. Leet, meanwhile, was working on an overly large television he was making out of scrapped car parts, and Cinderhands, who had kept his Uber and Daunty alive somehow was standing behind a young girl in a weird outfit vaguely reminiscent of hospital garb.

"Ninety-four point six three seven four percent chance you're going to ask who the fuck I am," the girl said as Taylor entered the room.

"Who the fuck are you?" Taylor asked.

"Dinah Alcott," the girl replied. "Your burny boi kidnapped me away from the guy that kidnapped me," she explained.

"Right, my cash cow," Taylor said, walking towards the empty couch in the middle of the room.

"Eighty percent you're gonna regret that," Dinah said, and Taylor stood still for a second.

"Why would I regret it?" she asked.

"Think about it," Cinderhands said. " Acidbath's already sitting on one of the new couches."

"So, there's two of them?" Taylor said.

"Yeah, but… Leet made them," Uber explained.

"I don't get the problem," Taylor admitted.

Acidbath sighed, then pulled a wallet from his pocket, throwing it at Taylor. "Look, just summon a Chubster so we can check what'll happen, okay?"

"Where'd you get this?" Taylor asked.

"Someone just threw it at me and ran away once I landed," Acidbath said. "Also, I'm gonna need some more troops. Mine keep dying."

"Because you keep melting them" Cinderhands retorted.

"You used Chubsters to create a smokescreen!" Daunty yelled at his boss.

"Yeah but… those don't really count now, do they? And I kept you alive with them."

Daunty pouted slumping down against the wall as Taylor checked the wallet.

Fifty bucks, enough for two summons. She took out her lighter, and set them on fire.

"Fuck fuck fuck I burned fifty!" she yelled out once she realized what's she'd done. "That's half a Chubster down the drain!"

"Oh no, what a massive problem, how will we live without half a chubster?" Acidbath stated.

Two blue orbs appeared, lights around them starting to spin.

"You know, I'm kind of relieved it didn't turn into like, a disembodied torso, umu." Lily said.

"Ninety percent chance they're both Chubsters," Dinah said.

Just as she completed the sentence, the first of the summonings completed, bringing forth a plain old Chubster, a horrified look on its face. Did it know what it's fate would be? Was there some sort of Chubster hivemind telling each other of the atrocities involved in this endeavor?

"Awww Dammit, you jinxed it!" Taylor yelled as the second circle started finishing up its process.

She watched in excitement, breath held in as the circle started closing, the exterior orbs quickly accelerating, then moving back into the inner orb.

The first thing she saw was what looked to be a hardhat. Then, she saw heavy metal boots stick out of the bottom of the glowing orb, followed by a face with an armoured gas mask, plate-steel covered pants, and a set of protective steel chest plates that was…

Absolutely bulging with fat.

'Bomb Squad Chubster', the text above him said as she looked at him. Two stars, just like the fucking clown she'd gotten rid of earlier that day.

"See, told ya! Didn't even need to use my power!" Dinah said with a smug grin on her face.

"Your power?" Taylor asked as Cinderhands handed Dinah what looked an awful lot like a ten dollar bill. Damnit, she could've summoned half a Chubster with that.

Although… it was just half a Chubster…

"I can like, see the future and shit. Except only in percentages, and only if I already know what to ask," Dinah she explained. "Which is just my luck. I get powers, and instead of figuring out next month's memes, I just get kidnapped by mister snek."

"Coil kidnapped her?" one of the Ubers asked. "The crazy mastermind?"

"Yup," Dinah said. "He wants me for my mind, instead of my body, which would have been even creepier."

"Lung, Coil, the Empire, even the Undersiders, are you trying to piss off everyone in the city?" Leet asked from the corner, where he was working on what looked like a tinkertech walkie talkie. Why exactly Taylor didn't know. Everyone knew Leet could only build shit once, so if he ever built another one it'd just explode the moment someone tried to use it.

Was that the purpose? Assassination by exploding communication device?

"No, it's just that I needed money and you guys suck at getting it. Anyway, Dinah, what's the chance I can get more than twenty k for you?" Taylor asked.

"Three point seven four five three three percent" Dinah replied.

"That little? Fuck, I guess the Mayor's way less corrupt than my father thinks then," Taylor said. "You sure bout that?"

"Yup, it's a massive bitch to get Kinas all the way over here on short notice, I mean, Papua New Guinea is really far away."

"Kinas?" Taylor asked.

"Yeah, that's what you asked for right? If you could get twenty K for me?"

"Are you always like this?" Acidbath asked.

"Nahh, I bet it's just when she's being kidnapped umu," Lily interjected. "Can't you just let her go Taylor? For me?"

Let her go… It was an attractive option, Taylor thought. It'd get her in good graces with Lily and… Yeah, that was basically the only reason. If she was useful enough to kidnap, why give that away for free? Given Coil's resources, he wouldn't waste time on anything worth less than a hundred thousand, which was…

Hundred divided by two then divide by ten again and multiply by a thousand…

Five thousand Chubsters… If she pulled this off, she'd have an army of five thousand Chubsters to command, that meant she'd have slightly more than nineteen fat macedonian phalanx formations at her command. With an army like that to command, she'd easily be able to gather more money and hopefully summon something actually good. Like a second Bride Lily, or maybe a lady version of Legend, or teenage Alexandria. Just… not bomb squad Chubster.

"So, speaking of what to do, are you going to do anything about the whole bombing spree?" Dinah asked. "CH over here let me sit on his shoulders so I could watch, and it's pretty bad."

"I know right?" Acidbath said. "Even saw a bomb that melted someone's body in an instant. On one hand, fucking sweet. On the other, that's kinda my schtick, ya know?"

"Right… the explosions," Taylor said, holding her head in her hand. Why was this stuff so complicated? You didn't have to make choices like this in video games, you just chose a waifu and that was it. Except now her waifu wanted her to throw away her cash cow, her lieutenants were total assholes that had gotten themselves send to the birdcage, all she got from her power was fat idiots, and- "Eighty-seven point five three six four percent chance we're going to the meeting," Dinah said. "Probably more now that I interrupted you. Lemme look!"

"What meeting?" Taylor asked.

"Yup, Ninety-two point one one one one now," Dinah said with a self-satisfied grin on her tiny face. "And the ones aren't even a lie!"

"Probably the villain meet-up," Leet said. "Happens when there's something to discuss. We've gone once or twice, but it's not really our style, you know? Too many Nazis, not enough Pepes."

"I've been to a few," Cinderhands said. "Might help out, get us the lay of the land, figure out a way to make money out of this."

"Make money?" Taylor's eyes lighted up.

"Sure, sell our services, sell our lack of services, that sort of thing," Cinderhands explained.

"Okay," Taylor said, walking to the corner of the room where she'd stashed her mask before going out with Lily. "Leet, get us a map to the meeting place. Cinderhands, Acidbath, you're with me. Lily, you're guarding the fort. Leet, try not to build more bombs," she commanded. "Dinah-"

"Ninety percent chance I'm coming with!" the girl interrupted. "I wanna fuck with mister Snek some more. Figuratively of course, I don't think he can actually get it up."

"What, cause he's a loser?" Acidbath asked.

"Cause his entire cape persona is snake," Cinderhands said. "If that's not compensating for something, I don't know what is." 


	10. Chapter 10

Somer's Rock was a shitty pub in a shitty street in a shitty part of the city. The colours looked like they'd been washed out, the lights kept flickering dramatically, and the conversations were so goddamn stupid that the only people that worked there were deaf.

For example, as Taylor entered, a corporate bigwig in a realistic knight outfit was yelling at a toothless black man.

Not in the sense that Skidmark didn't have any bite to him, he was pretty creative with his insults, but in the sense that he literally had almost zero teeth.

"What, is it because I'm black?" Skidmark asked.

"No, it's because you're a trash tier one star," Taylor said as she entered through the pub's small door, followed by her lieutenants, who quickly flanked her, and Dinah, who was wearing a paper mask Leet had provided.

Why, exactly, Leet needed to use his Tinker power to cut eyeholes into a piece of white paper, no-one knew.

"The fuck are you?" Skidmark asked, turning away from his shouting competition with Kaiser.

"Watch your words when talking to my boss," Cinderhands said, taking a step forwards. "Wouldn't want Basebath over here to have to melt that pretty face of yours."

"I mean, it's not his fault his gang is so shit we haven't even fought them yet," Acidbath said.

"Hey!" Faultline yelled out in anger.

"Yeah yeah we'll assault your base later," Taylor said. "Just make sure you have some actual loot lying around, okay?"

"Also, hey there," Acidbath added, giving Faultline a quick smile before turning back to a glaring, literally and figuratively, Purity.

Fearless, Taylor walked to the round table in the middle of the room, taking a seat without asking.

"And what do you think you're doing?" Coil asked, his fingers interlaced in front of him.

"Sitting down?" Taylor replied, holding out an extra chair for Dinah, or Oracle, as she was going by now.

"Ninety-two percent chance you'll go bald before you're fifty," Oracle said as she sat down.

"Are you implying he's younger than that?" Taylor asked her companion?

"Oooh burn!" Cinderhands yelled from his spot at a nearby table. He'd ordered iced tea and was now heating it up with his hands in some sort of weird anarchistic statement about drinks.

"You know, I thought our arrival would shake things up, but it looks like this town is already crazy enough as is," an asshole said, standing in the doorway of the pub, looking like the biggest nerd since Greg, maybe worse. He probably thought he could, like, join a professional gaming team or something.

"Great, more newcomers," Grue said as he was brooding at the table.

"So, what ya'll chatting about? This whole bombing spree I'm guessing?" the new guy said. "I'm Trickster by the way, and this is the rest of the travellers."

"Travellers? Isn't that racist?" Faultline asked.

"Depends," Tattletale said from her table. "But unlike, say, Roma or Gypsy, it's actually, you know, also just a normal word for people travelling around?"

"Still though…" Faultline said.

"Yeah, better not be accidentally racist with Kaiser around, you might accidentally recruit some of his people," Acidbath said, giving a very unsubtle wink in Purity's direction.

"My people are loyal," Kaiser said. "But your choice of name does not fill me with confidence, sympathizing with groups like that."

"I'm flattered," Trickster said, giving the man a fake bow.

"So, what were we talking about again?" Taylor asked.

"How to handle Bakuda," Faultline said.

"Yes," Coil grumbled. "If this continues, our businesses will be harmed, and the added attention to-"

Taylor poked Acidbath, stealing the phone from his pocket and going through the apps on it. It didn't have any of the good games, but it had flappy bird, so there was that. She started playing, quickly improving on the old high-score, when Dinah whispered something into her ear.

"Eighty-seven point four three eight nine percent chance you'll fail in the next five points," the girl said.

Taylor focussed, making sure the bird correctly booped through the pipes when she finally failed as Kaiser lost his cool.

"Could you at least turn off your fucking sound!" the man yelled. "God you're worse than my son!"

"I thought she was a girl? And a bit too young for video games?" Acidbath asked.

"My other kid you idiot!" Kaiser said.

"And now you've ruined my score!" Taylor yelled, throwing the phone through the room, the device's screen shattering on impact.

"Hey, I was still using that," Acidbath said.

"Shut up," Taylor replied, and he did.

"So, Faultline, I presume that a financial compensation will assure your presence on our side?" Snek asked.

Taylor's ears perked up at that. They were talking about money?

"Yes, we'll hash out the details after the meeting is done, there's no need to derail the conversation even more," Faultline replied.

"I'll do it for half!" Taylor shouted.

"What?" Faultline asked.

"Whatever you offered to do, I'll do it for half the price," she explained. "It was like, beating up Bakuda, right?"

"That… was the gist of it, yes." Snek said.

"Right…" Grue sighed. "Now that that is handled, could we all be a bit more professional here?"

"Twenty bucks says no," Cinderhands said, looking at Dinah.

"Yeah, not liking those odds," the girl replied. "Although… quick question. Why are y'all meeting at the usual meeting spot if you're literally fighting a girl whose only thing is building bombs?"

Faultline and Tattletale both found the time to yell out a single "fuck!", after which the explosions started. 


	11. Chapter 11

Bakuda's bombs were lethal, and ridiculously so. Each and every one of them capable of wiping out a dozen people before they could react. Fire rained from the sky, and one of them seemed to have opened a hole in reality leading to an ocean that promptly tried to empty itself into the bar, throwing salt water, seaweed, fish and a dolphin at the assembled crowd.

Kaiser, now with porpoise in his life, created a shield of metal around the meeting capes, massive bars of iron keeping out the explosions, and keeping in the water.

"Ninety percent chance we're gonna be in hot water!" Dinah said. "Get it? Cause the roof's on fire but also Kaiser's wall is keeping the water in?"

"You mean like this?" Cinderhands asked, putting his arms in the water to heat it up.

"Yes, make it worse, great idea!" Faultline said as Kaiser completed his barrier, the water up to their knees as Dinah climbed her way back to Cinderhands's shoulders. Outside, they could still hear the sound of explosions, implosions, glassplosions, timesplosions, and a thousand other splosions. Presumably no moneysplosions, Taylor thought.

"Useless idiots, all of you," Purity whispered, holding her hands above her and firing at the roof, sending debris down upon them.

"See guys, this is why I wear a helmet," Grue said to his team as rocks and planks fell down on top of his motorcycle gear. The three of them nodded, hiding behind a table until the worst of the debris was gone.

"Some stairs maybe?" Faultline suggested to Kaiser as Purity flew ithrough the hole in the roof.. The man obliged, presumably because Faultline was white. Before him, a great metal staircase, with elegant railings, carvings of metal swastikas, and a steel eagle on every post growing out of the ground before him. The growing metal bars tactically grew to move the roof upwards, the steel not budging before the weight of a third-rate pub which, presumably, weighed more in termites than in actual wood.

Most of them followed behind Kaiser, who was far too self-absorbed with his stairs to notice that his bodyguards had followed Purity's lead and left through the roof, growing until they could properly reach it.

Taylor looked around, trying to figure out who had survived. Cinderhands, Acidbath and Dinah were following right behind her, and Kaiser and Faultline's team were walking in front. The Travellers seemed to be doing their own thing, centered around their leader teleporting stuff around through the gap in the roof created by Purity, and the Undersiders were walking behind them.

Where, exactly, Skidmark's people had gone she didn't know. Maybe they'd been flushed down the interdimensional toilet drain one of Bakuda's bombs had opened.

The real kicker, however, was that Coil was gone, crushed under a massive support beam that had fallen down on his head.

"Great, just as I was about to get paid," Taylor said.

"Relax boss, we'll find another source of income," Acidbath said.

"And we still have the kid to sell!" Cinderhands said.

"Hey! I heard that!" Dinah replied.

"What's the chance I don't give a shit?" he asked.

"Seventy six point four three eight six percent," Dinah replied, looking at the ground dejectedly.

Taylor looked around, showing the carnage wrought by Bakuda. The neighbouring blocks had been blown up by bakuda, giving them a nice view of the ocean, as well as a good sightline to the incoming emergency services.

"So, you wanna get out of here before the Protectorate shows up?" Acidbath asked.

"Sounds like a plan," Taylor replied.

The base, luckily, had been spared the worst of the damage. There was some blast damage on one of the walls, but the wreckage of a nearby chair explained the source quite easily. Lily was watching the news. The national guard had been brought in, and there was talk of a kill-order for Bakuda. Additionally, an attempted break-out at the Protectorate headquarters had been foiled, with Oni Lee having been arrested during the attempt. The ABB was now down to a single cape on a mad bombing spree.

"So what's the plan?" Leet asked.

"I bring Dinah back home, and get me some money," Taylor said. In the meantime, you guys secure the area.

"Mister Snek will just kidnap me again," Dinah complained.

"Coil's dead," Acidbath said.

"But it's boring!" she whined. "I'll have to go to school!"

"I'll kidnap you again tomorrow, okay?" Cinderhands said.

"Fiiine, but you better grab me before school!"

"Good, let's go," Taylor said. "Where do you live anyway?"

"Rich part of town," Dinah said. "Pretty long walk, especially in this chaos."

"Right… guessing busses aren't exactly driving around right now," Taylor said. "Uber, steal us a car and play chauffeur!"

"Sure thing ma'am," he said, fake saluting.

"What the hell are you doing!" Taylor shouted as the car flew through the alleyways, taking near impossible turns as Uber's driving meant only two wheels were on the road at any time.

"I'm a taxi-driver!" he replied.

"Taxi drivers don't drive like this!" Dinah yelled as the car hit the boardwalk, expertly weaving through the panicked civilians.

"Sure they do," Uber said. "Trust me, I've done this lots of times!"

"Hundred percent you're wrong!" Dinah shouted.

"Nope," Uber shouted. "Didn't you see our stream last year? The one with all the hits?"

"What? The one in which you beat up that woman for no reason?" Taylor asked.

"Yep, GTA baby! Lots of driving in there!"

"A video-game is not real-life!" Taylor yelled as Uber hit the curb, timing it correctly to make the car turn on its side, weaving in between two market stands it would've crashed into otherwise.

"Your power is literally a video game!" he yelled back,

Another swift turn, and the car was back on the road. Taylor breathed a sigh of relief. Sure, it was the wrong side of the road, but it was still the road.

"Couldn't we have had a Chubster do this?" Taylor asked.

"I mean, we needed money first right?" Uber said.

"True," she admitted. Dinah, how much further?"

"Almost there," Dinah said. "Just...a few more miles? I never drive this way."

"Great," Taylor sighed, bracing herself..

"Great!" Uber yelled, putting the pedal to the metal.


	12. Chapter 12

Five thousand buckaroonies, Taylor thought. Five fucking thousand dollarydoes.

That was, well, let's see… carry the two, multiply by ten, then divide by a hundred again…

Why couldn't mister Quinlan be a better teacher?

Okay, so, divide by ten, divide by two, and… Two hundred and fifty? I'd get to spin two hundred and fifty fucking times?

"Thanks mister Dinah's dad," she said, turning around with a final wave to the little girl, then walking back to Uber, who was still waiting in the car.

"So, how'd it go?" he asked through the window.

"Five K," Taylor replied, showing the plastic lunch bag of dollar bills. "Took a bit of talking, but Dinah insisted."

"Two hundred and fifty summons? Damn girl, that's :100:!"

"Did… did you just say the name of an emoji?"

"Well, I wanted to say it's fucking One thousand three-hundred and thirty-seven, but that doesn't really work since it's Leet's fucking name already."

"Just… stop." Taylor said. "Now, I gotta get home to put Dad's booze money back before he misses it, then head back to the base!"

"Or…" Uber said. "You could just summon all of them right now?"

"What? Why would I do that?" Taylor asked.

"Because you can? I mean, I know it's not exactly the same, but you open card-packs right in the store right? I mean, why wait? It's bad luck, and you know you want to spin now!"

"That's true," Taylor accepted, looking at the little bag of money. This was stupid. She had to put her dad's money back, she had to save some money to furnish the base, hell, she'd have to feed all her new capes as well.

Then again, two hundred and fifty summons? Who could say no to that?

Having reached a conclusion, she saw that Uber already had a lighter ready for her, stolen from the car's glove compartment.

"Let's do this," he said, looking on from inside the car.

"Yeah, let's do this," Taylor agreed, lighting the lighter and holding it beneath the plastic bag.

"Wait wait fuck!" Uber yelled out. "Don't do it yet!"

"What, why not?" Taylor asked.

"Cause you're doing it wrong!" he exclaimed. "I just shifted to Gacha spinning techniques, and you're forgetting something vital!"

"What? What am I forgetting?!" Taylor demanded. "Is there something I can do? Something that'll stop the Chubsters?"

"That… I don't think anything can do that," Uber said. "The thing is, I just know… What you gotta do first. You gotta do the wriggle!"

"The wriggle?" Taylor asked.

"Yeah," he said, leaving the care. "You gotta do it like this."

Uber put his arms out to both sides, swaying them up and down as he wriggled his hips to the side.

"Taylor copied him, barely able to mimic the movement, it was surprisingly difficult, and she wasn't as in shape as she needed to be, but if this was what was necessary, to reduce the total number.

"No no, it needs to be slightly more random," Uber said. "You can't just rythmically move to the side. We're trying to influence a chaotic system based on random chance. We need to appeal it with a similarly stochastic system of dance, not with order and predictability!"

"So, more like this?" Taylor asked, slightly changing up her movements. Once, at long last, her whiteness came in handy, since without a sense of rhythm, she was unable to fuck this up by accident.

"Yes! Now quickly, burn the money before it wears off!" Uber said, and Taylor burned the cash, hips still wriggling here and there.

At once, two hundred and fifty blue orbs appeared around them in perfect synchronisity, each and every one of them slowly turning into a cape.

Taylor looked on in awe as the street in front of Dinah's house was suddenly filled with people in colorful costumes and wanted men. Was this the power of the wriggle? No, most of them were still Chubsters.

"Okay everyone, line up according to cape, costume and star rank, I wanna count!" she yelled out, and the horde obeyed.

Total:

184 x Chubster  
16 x Biter  
14 x Barker  
7 x Leet  
6 x Uber  
5 x Rune  
4 x Victor  
2 x Dragon  
1 x Cricket  
1 x Annex  
1 x Bakuda  
1 x Tattletale  
1 x Moord Nag  
1 x [5] Bomb Squad Merchants  
1 x Spree  
1 x Icarus

202 x ⍟

150 x Normal Chubster  
12 x Bomb Squad Chubster  
4 x Chubby Civvy  
3 x Swimming Trunks Chubster  
2 x Triple-X Chubster [NSFW]  
2 x Voxel Chubster  
13 x Normal Biter  
2 x Bomb Squad Biter  
8 x Normal Barker  
3 x Bomb Squad Barker  
1 x Lady Barker  
1 x Reverse Victor

29 x ⍟⍟

5 x Lady Chubster  
2 x Kid Chubster  
1 x Swimming Briefs Chubster (+1 mind damage)  
1 x Furry Biter  
2 x Furry Barker  
5 x Normal Leet  
2 x Normal Uber  
3 x Bomb Squad Uber  
2 x Normal Victor  
1 x Bomb Squad Victor  
1 x Normal Cricket  
1 x Bomb Squad Skidmark  
1 x Bomb Squad Squealer  
1 x Bomb Squad Mush  
1 x Bomb Squad Scrub  
1 x Bomb Squad Whirlygig

13 x ⍟⍟⍟

2 x X-Plosion Chubster  
1 x Bomb Squad Leet  
1 x Double Uber  
1 x Tsundere Rune  
1 x Sk8er gurl Rune  
1 x Catholic Schoolgirl Rune  
1 x Waffen-SS Rune  
1 x Hesitant Rune  
1 x Bomb Squad Dragon-mech  
1 x Mah Boi Annex  
1 x Normal Spree  
1 x Normal Icarus

4 x ⍟⍟⍟⍟

1 x Laser-Mech Chubster, Chrome-plated.  
1 x Reverse Leet  
1 x Melusine Dragon-mech  
1 x Moord Dag

2 x ⍟⍟⍟⍟⍟

1 x Bakuda Nee-Chan [Event Legendary]  
1 x Princess Sarah

"Did… did it work?" Taylor asked, in awe at the array of capes standing before her. Some of them in normal gear, others in the black armor of bomb squads, even others just either dragon-mechs, or pretending to be dragon mechs. Then there were the ones in civilian clothes, the unspeakable swimsuit squad, a blonde girl in what looked like a medieval princess dress, an African-American, or perhaps just African, girl in a white sundress and a neat hat with a pokemon, and last but not least-

"Of course it worked boss, you're the best!" the girl, the one that was currently bombing the entire city to smithereens, said.

"Please tell me you're some sort of alternative version of you, and that you didn't destroy the vilain bar half an hour ago."

"Okay boss, I'm some sort of alternative version of me, and I didn't destroy the villain bar half an hour ago," Bakuda Nee-Chan replied. "Though that would actually be a good idea. Who came up with it?"

"Other you," the pre-existing Uber said. "Anyway, if we really want to see if it worked, we should do some statistics. Try spending five grand with and without the wriggle, and see which gets better results."

"Meaning I'd have wasted five thousand bucks testing if it turns out it does matter," Taylor replied. "Huh… guess the only option is to keep wriggling then."

"Guess it is," Uber agreed. "Anyway, shouldn't you like, talk to the new guys or something?"

"I guess," Taylor replied, pushing her Bakuda back in formation, right next to the cute princess girl, who was looking rather confused at the whole "Not in a medieval castle right now," deal, and seemed like she had an oncoming migraine of epic proportions.

"Okay everyone," Taylor shouted at the top of her lungs. "I'm too lazy to give each and every one of you individual orders, so here's the deal. First of all, organisational structure. Everyone is loyal to me, and I am the boss. Directly below me are my lieutenants and my five stars. Obey them or, well, I'm pretty sure you don't really have a choice. Also, if Acidbath wants you to do some weird fetishy shit or something you can ignore the order and punch him. For the rest, you're all ranked in importance by number of stars, and uniques rank above people with copies until there's only one left of those. Last of all, no matter what, Chubsters are below you," she said, her voice booming through the street.

After taking a few seconds to breathe, she continued.

"Everyone with like Tinker powers or who can build shit works on the base, the rest of you, do what you think is useful in fighting the ABB, and return to the base tonight. It's in a warehouse in the docks right now, but I think we might have to relocate, cause umm, there's quite a few of you. You all got that?"

"Yes Ma'am," a few of them spoke out in chorus, while most of them simply nodded their heads a bit.

"That went, well? I think?" Chauffeur Uber said.

"Who knows," Taylor replied. "I think I need more lieutenants, because this is madness."

"Well, given the way you gave those commands, I think we'll find some more lieutenants among tonight's survivors," Bakuda said.

"I guess," Taylor said. "Anyway, Bakuda, you're in the front seat, princess is sitting with me in the back. Uber, drives us back to base!"

The princess, one hand shielding her eyes for the sun, walked towards the car, entering as Uber opened the door for her. Taylor followed behind her, sitting in the middle of the back bench to be closer to her five star, and in a nearby house, someone pressed the stop recording button on her phone.

"This is gonna get so many views on youtube," Dinah mumbled to herself. "I'm like, seventy-six point five three seven four percent sure."


	13. Chapter 13

"So…" Rune said, looking at the other girls with a straight back and a perfectly fitted uniform. "I know that it's annoying that we're no longer working for the Fuhrer, but you heard the boss, we still get to crush ethnic minorities!"

"We're… we're free from the Kaiser, why would you be sad about that?" Rune replied, hesitantly tapping her fingers against each other, insecurity hidden behind the overly long sleevies of her costume.

"Not sure if I like this new boss, but can't be worse than the old boss," Blue-haired Rune added in, skateboard in hand. Unlike the others, the hood of her robe was down, showing that she had several metal rings in her pierced ears, one through an eyebrow, and a stud in her nostril. To the naive onlooker, they were simply part of her Punky look. To those familiar with her rebellious streak and her boss's ability, they signalled a form of control.

"Could you shut up for a fucking moment?" the fourth Rune asked, hands clasped before her as she kneeled on their floating boulder. She was the only one of them not wearing any costume, instead wearing Immaculata's uniform, her top slightly smaller than intended, showing the barest hint of midriff. "I'm trying to pray for some fucking guidance here!"

"Look, the solution is simple," the fifth and final Rune said, her hair done up in twin tails. "We need to do what the boss told us to do, and take down the ABB. Not because I like her or anything, but because if one of us becomes one of those lieutenants, we won't be, well, you saw what happened with those Chubster clones."

"Good, then we'll bring glory to Herr Kaiser's Fourth Reich!" the first rune said again. "Down with the Untermensch. Make the Bay a Bucht again!"

"What? No! We have to stop Bakuda because she's killing people, not out of some crazy Nazi scheme! Hell, I bet Kaiser himself's not even as big a nazi as you are!" the second Rune supplied, wildly flailing her arms in her too-big robe.

"You take that back!" Nazi-Rune yelled out. "The Kaiser is the biggest bigot this side of the Atlantic! Don't you dare insult him!"

"No he isn't, he's just pretending to be for politics. Just like Hookwolf, just like us!" the pierced girl spoke out.

"What?!" Nazi girl yelled. "How dare you! I am loyal to the cause!"

"I'm… I'm not," Sleevie-Rune stammered. "I just joined because… because… because jail was scary."

"Same here, jail is not a godly place, so I prayed for an escape, and the Empire answered. Well, that and the superpowers."

"It's not like I wanted to join a gang or anything."

"How… How dare you call yourself a me! You're all disloyal monsters!"

"What? We don't have the right to be us? I'm sorry, but you're the odd one out here! What makes you think you're the real Cassie?" blue-hair said.

"Of course I am! Why wouldn't I be? You're the odd one out, with your dyed hair and a face full of metal. What happened? You have a run in with a dentist's office?" the girl replied.

"Well, you've both got the same fucking demeanor," Catholic Rune said, standing up again. "So I'm pretty sure neither of you is the real us. Since I am, and got put you here as a test for me."

"Wait, we're supposed to be religious?" Sleevie asked.

"I've sure as hell never prayed to God or anything, you baka kami-sama!" twintails added.

"Did… did you just fucking speak Japanese?" the Nazi girl said. "You're a fucking shame to all of us!"

"Oh sure, and your German fits? Fuck off!" Blue hair replied.

"Can we just calm the fuck down?" Catholic Rune interrupted. "There's gotta be better ways to solve this!"

"Fine, whoever beats up more Asians gets to be the real Rune!" the Nazi said.

"No, what, that makes no fucking sense! Whoever's the best with a Skateboard is obviously the real us!" the likely suspect replied.

"Can we just… Look, we all got summoned here from our home reality, right?" Reli-Rune said. "And this is Brockton Bay, so it has an Empire Eighty-Eight, so it has a Rune, right?"

"I think I follow…" the Rune with the hair said.

"Well, what if we go to find this universe's Rune, and whoever she's like, that's the real us?"

"Sounds fair," Skatergirl Rune said. "Any idea where she is?"

"Back home with uncle Krieg, I presume?" Nazi Rune said.

"Fine, we'll go there first then," the Skater said.

"But, the boss wanted us to fight the ABB instead," twin-tailed Rune said. "Not that I want to follow her orders or anything."

"Yeah, but greater unity as a Rune-squad will make us more effective in fighting the ABB, meaning it's a permissible activity," sleeves Rune said.

"Look, can we just fucking… get names for ourselves or something? I don't want to have to keep mentally referring to you guys as 'other me' and shit like that."

"Fine, I'll be Rune Eins," Nazi Rune said.

"One," Skater Rune added.

"Unus," Catholic Rune added.

"Ichi," another said.

"I guess you can… you know, just call me Cassie?" the last one said.

"Good, then let's move out," One said, and they collectively started shoving the flying boulder they'd been standing on.

"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Dennis asked.

"Depends, what, exactly, are you seeing?" Chris replied.

"Runes, five of them," Dean added.

"Fuck yes," Dennis whispered.

"How's that a good thing?" Chris asked.

"Well, think about it. Let's say there's only one Rune. We fight her, we take her down, she gets arrested, Piggy makes a deal with her and she gets drafted into the Wards. She's impressed by our strength and manliness, and still uncertain about her new environment, and something beautiful blossoms."

"Right, apart from the part where she'd be stationed in Brockton Bay… No, wait, the rest of it is still bullshit," Gallant said.

"No, I mean, think about it! It'd obviously a love… Pentagram? A pentagram has five sides right? Anyway, with this many Runes, we wouldn't have to fight over her! We can have one or two each!"

"Could you like… not perv on the female supervillains?" Gallant asked.

"Also, isn't the real problem that there's, like, five of them?"

"No, like I said, it's not a problem! This way, we can all have one! And come on, It's not like there's any other hot supervillain girls in the city. Hell, we're awfully low on girl capes anyway!"

"How are we low on girl capes?" Gallant asked. "I mean, seriously, like half the people town are girls."

"Well yeah, but… Vicky's yours, Amy's completely uninterested, Laserdream's too old for me, Vista and Labyrinth are little girls, Stalker's a psychopath, Spitfire's too new for me to get an opinion, Hellhound is, well, most definitely not hot, let alone interested, Regent is too much of a loser for anyone but Aegis to be interested, and Tattletale, while a great bod, has an incredibly intimidating intellect."

"Wait, why's Regent in that list?" Kid Win asked.

"Why wouldn't he be?" Clockblocker replied.

"Because he's, y'know, a dude?"

Clockblocker went silent for a few second.

"Then… why the fuck does she wear a tiara?" he asked. "And why did Carlos say he liked her."

"Dennis… Do you… do you not remember Carlos's fucking boyfriend?" Gallant asked.

"Wait, Aegis is gay? Since when?"

"Since he brought along his boyfriend during his initiation?" Chris said. "Did you seriously not notice?"

"I thought that was his brother…"

"Speaking of awkward moments," Dean said. "You guys do remember what we were doing right?"

"Yeah, patrolling the city, keeping an eye out for both the ABB and that new group with all the birdcage villains," Kid win replied. "Why?"

"Cause those five Runes went past like, ten minutes ago."


	14. Cauldron Omake

**Gacha Omake - Cauldron**

In 1518, a great and terrible plague broke out in the middle of the Holy Roman Empire, in the city of Strasbourg. Perhaps through witchcraft, or maybe through plague, or even through sheer boredom (since in those days, shitty money-grabbing mobile games did not exist yet), the citizens were afflicted with a terrible ailment. Starting in July, a woman started dancing in the middle of the street without stop. Within a week, several dozen others had joined her, and within the month, over four hundred people were infected.  
The plague was so bad that, rather than simply stopping, the affected kept dancing until they died from spontaneous heart attacks, strokes, and exhaustion. To this day, this tragic event has gone down in the record as one of the darkest pages in all of human history. Not because about four-hundred people died, but because this event consisted of about four hundred white girls constantly trying to keep dancing. An offence to both people with a sense of rhythm and humanity as a whole, it is generally considered a great mercy to the other people of Strausburg that they were released from their suffering within a month.

Now, normally this would be an interesting, but completely irrelevant, tidbit of information, were it not for one be-fedora'd young woman (not so young actually isn't she like forty at this point? At least somewhere in her thirties right? Maybe she has age-changing tech?) by the name of Fortuna, with the supernatural ability to completely destabilize even the most inane of plot-lines. It was on a warm summer's evening (at least, it was summer in her dimension, she didn't care for the seasons like all those scrubs on earth bet) that she decided on the most important course of action in her life.

Path to Teaching Eidolon how to Dance.

Her power, of course, responded with a simple [NOPE]

Okay, she thought. She'd need to figure out a different question. Path to making Eidolon dance.

[STILL NOPE] her power responded, and Contessa remembered that her power didn't fucking work on the dipshit anyway, no matter what the question was.

Path to making whipepo dance? She asked, getting an immediate response.

"Door me to boogeytown," she stated to thin air, a portal opening before her, leading to earth Dalet, better known as earth Disco.

Earth Dalet was, above all else, known for its shitty music tastes. For Aeons, or rather, like twenty years cause the timeframe was pretty compressed, Cauldron researchers had thought the people were just like, really stupid. Now, however, Contessa knew what was ailing them. A real disease that actually existed and the author didn't make up. Knowing what to do, she walked up to a random dancing girl and kissed her, and it was totally hot and stuff. Then, infected with the dancing disease which didn't really work like that because it was probably related to a psychoactive mushroom in the grain supply, she doored back to Cauldron's base, and breathed into the air supply

Several hours later, Doctor Mother (Who wasn't an actual doctor, and never had any children either.) was boogeying down the hallways filled with prisoners, and Number Man was performing hip sways that were mathematically optimal for charming well-dressed ladies. Sadly, the author was friends with a bunch of Contandria shippers, so instead of Number Man ending up with our current protagonist, Fortuna was slow-dancing with the invulnerable Alexandria. Taking advantage of her partner's invulnerability, she turned off her power, and accidentally stepped on unfeeling toes a few times. Rebecca didn't mind. Her only romantic experience had been a college fling with one D. Hebert, even though the timeline, personalities, and everything else about it didn't make any sense. Also, she'd never even gone to college because her mind was already perfect. Nevertheless, she kept dancing with Contessa, her mind drifting to opportunities where she could slowly crush the dreams and hopes of teenage supervillains. Perhaps she could kill a few of Hellhound's puppies? That seemed in character somehow? But no, Fortuna's love had redeemed her, and she was a hero once again.

Custodian, of course, danced with herself, because even if she was a spoopy ghost, she sure as hell wasn't going to dance with Eidolon. Not just because Eidolon couldn't dance worth shit, but because, just like every other female character in Worm except maybe Battery, Lady Photon and Brandish, she was totally gay. (This was also why there were so few second generation capes. That's not just because genning a 2nd gen cape is like, twice the work)

Eidolon was in his office, his legs intertwined with themselves as he desperately tried and failed to boogy down. Eventually, he had an idea, and he dropped his current powers: The ability to be invulnerable. The ability to punch mountains apart, and the ability to manipulate traffic lights at a distance.

Instead, he got three different Thinker abilities. First, the ability of perfect rhythm. Second, the ability of perfect movement. Third, the ability to actually be fucking charismatic for once.

Alas, none of it helped, and he still danced like JD from Scrubs. Little did any of them know, the only way for Eidolon to be able to dance was for Taylor to summon Disco David, and even then, he'd only be able to Dance to Disco music, and he'd have a shitty afro


	15. Chapter 14

Dragon was, in one word, _Impressive._

Two Dragons at the same time was, in two words, _Really Impressive._

Two Dragons at the same time while you were summoned to a city you didn't quite recognize, under a strange master compulsion, and surrounded by over a hundred of the same fat cape? Technically also impressive, just in a different way.

Installing a dish for satellite TV on top of an abandoned warehouse? Slightly less impressive.

"Are you sure it's not going to explode?" Icarus asked. "I've seen what happened to that couch."

"My records indicate that Leet is perfectly capable of building a single satellite dish," Dragon's bulky mech replied. "We should be perfectly safe."

"Right, perfectly safe," she said, flying into position, trying to hold the floating, soon to be invisible, satellite dish in the right place. Talk about over-engineering. As if people would notice the white disk, and not the literal giant robots. How was this supposed to be any sort of secret hideout?

"So, I've been wondering," the synthetic-sounding Canadian voice said. "Where'd you find a healer?"

"A healer?" Icarus replied, looking at her synthetic arm. Call it what you may, but was turning yourself into a cyborg to get your limbs back really healing?

"For your other arm?" Dragons continued.

Panicking for just a second, Icarus checked her other arm. Still there, still flesh and blood.

"Drat, more timeline stuff. What's your latest Wards identification code?" Dragon asked as Icarus set herself back on the ground in front of the building.

"Wards? Why would I have a Wards whatsit?"

"Cause you're the first person I've found that actually seems to be from the past," a new arrival said from her position in the door-opening. South-east Asian, wearing a bridal dress and carrying a bouquet of flowers. Icarus thought she looked looked perfect, like the type of girl she'd fall in love with if she were gay, which she really, really wasn't.

"How am I from the past? Aren't you guys just from the future?"

"Probably both, Umu," Bride Lily replied. "Though I'm thinking Dragon's from right now."

"Probably," Dragon replied. "Or at least, I have memories right up until the moment I got summoned, including a clock on the internet. There's a gap of about twenty seconds, but that's it."

"So, if you're from the future, you know what the fuck is going on?" Icarus asked.

"Not really, since we're in some kind of alternate timeline right now, given that in my world, the boss controls bugs, not capes. At least most of the time."

"Bugs? Sounds gross," Icarus replied.

"Agreed, I loathe bugs," Dragon replied.

"Anyway, Dragon, I wanted to ask, do you have any language packages for medieval Danish?"

"For the princess girl?" Dragon asked. "Difficult to say. I can compile a passable translator for text, but I am afraid spoken language would be difficult."

"Well, it was worth a try," Lily replied.

"Why not ask a Leet?" Icarus asked. "That should work… once."

"Fair point," Lily replied. "As long we don't get more foreign capes in here. Which, honestly? Real fucking weird that it's just Moord Dag and Sarah so far with the language problems."

"Statistically speaking, it's quite unlikely," Dragon replied. "Given the amount of capes around the globe, it believe there to be other criteria than simply existence, or possible existence. Perhaps the universe, or whatever is responsible for parahuman abilities, is simply too lazy to come up with more ideas than simply a thousand Chubster variants?"

"Maybe it's something psychological? Only summoning capes the boss is at least tangentially aware of? Or alternative versions of those capes? Do we know who the original Sarah is?" Lily asked.

"There's a princess with powers over in the Netherlands," Dragon replied. "But for there to be a parallel between the two would require the utmost lack of European geographic knowledge on the part of the universe. Only an idiot would be unable to tell the Dutch and the Danish apart."

"Yeah, One's a pastry, the other makes you hungry for them," Icarus added in.

"I know right, Umu," Lily replied. "Though it's a bit late for that now. Anyway, thanks for the help. I guess you gotta get back to building a base we'll probably abandon in a day or less?"

"Guess so," Dragon said. "Though I do wonder. What, exactly, are our bosses objectives?"

"For now? Waifus," Lily replied. "Whatever that means. That, and spinning her gacha-power. From what I've been able to tell, the rest of what she does is based around gathering more money in order to get more waifus. That, and kidnapping waifus in the wild? I guess? Which makes me wonder if she's going to kidnap me as well. Can you check that I'm still in New York for me?"

"According to my records at least," Dragon replied. "And now that that's done, let's get back to the most useless thing anyone is doing today."

Chubster flew through the air, wind soaring in his ear as he rapidly approached the assembled gangbangers.

With a splat, he hit the ground, falling just short of his target. He felt his bones crack, his voice crying out in pain as he flailed uselessly for a few seconds. Then, the timer completed its countdown, and his body exploded like a pinata filled with iron confetti, the shrapnel landing short of the ABB members waiting behind their barricades.

"Drat!" Bakuda-neechan yelled. "Really thought that would work. We just wasted another bomb!"

"And a Chubster," Furry Barker, AKA literally a Dachshund, said, the words mangled by his canine inability to properly speak.

"I just misjudged the distance," Bomb Squad Victor said. "I hate having to say it but, I wish Uber was here. There's just not all that many in the city with trebuchet-based skill-sets for me to leech."

"Well, that's the problem innit?" Annex said, still cranky at being forced to participate in… whatever this was. "Trebuchets are fucking amazing. They can use a counterweight to launch a ninety KiloGram projectile over three-hundred meters. Now, I may be completely shit at metric, but I think there's a problem here."

One of the Chubsters looked up, hope on his face. "Yes, it's true! We're too fat to properly launch!"

"Drat!" Bakuda yelled again. "Chubsters! Start running! I don't want to see you resting until you're fit enough to launch to certain death!"

"Sounds… needlessly cruel?" Annex said.

"Look, if you have a better idea than taking out the enemy by launching explosion-filled Chubsters at them with a trebuchet, I'd like to hear it!" Bakuda said.

"Would it be possible to, you know, fire the explosives without the Chubster?" Annex proposed.

Bakuda's jaw hung open, her eyes wider than should have been humanly possible.

"Annex Mah Boi, yer wicked smart, lemme tell you that."

"Is that sarcasm, or?" the boy asked.

"It's for real," Victor explained. "I stole her sarcasm-skills half an hour ago. She was getting annoying."


	16. Chapter 15

  
"Ehhm, fellow Runes? Sorry to disturb you, but it's not like I wanted to go this fast or anything!" Ichi said.

"Bullscheisse!" Eins replied. "Going this fast is a form of Blitzkrieg, which is German! Therefore glorious!"

"Actually uhmmm… I think we should go slower?" Cassie suggested.

"No way! I bet you're one of those losers that uses the brakes in Mario Kart! Going this fast is awesome!" One interjected, being the only one of them actually standing on top of the rock, rather than clinging on for dear life. "How are we going so fucking fast anyway?"

"Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment." Unus quoted as she was hanging on for dear life. "Or for fucking sinners like you girls, it's teamwork. Corinthians by the way, or at least one of the letters."

"Teamwork? I'm doing all of this on my own," number One said, still riding the increasingly faster boulder like it was a skateboard, and planning to bound on top of some of the buildings beneath them to do tricks.

"Actually, it's not like I'm doing all of this on my own or anything… Like, I'm literally not. I know it's kind of my thing but I'm being serious here!"

"Yeah, that's what I'm fucking saying! We're all pushing this thing at the same time, so we go like, superfast. Probably some kinda exponential increase in speed or something!" nun-chan replied.

"Well, I fucking love it! Let's go faster!" One said.

"Are you crazy? We've already left Kaiser's holy city behind us!" Eins said. "Just look at the ground beneath us! That's fucking farmland you dolt!"

"Earth's round right? We'll make our way back eventually!"

"Actually, it's been pretty much confirmed that the earth is flat," Unus said.

"Uhm…. That's a bit stupid of you…" Cassie said, clinging on so tightly that she was unable to nervously fiddle with her hands against each other while covered in her sleevies.

"It's not like it's a stereotype for religious nutsos to think the earth is flat or anything," Ichi said. "I mean, that basically confirms you're not the real Rune."

"Wait, if we keep going this way, will we eventually pass over Germany?" Eins asked.

"Presumably," One said. "But you should probably read up about this thing called denazification."

"Doesn't matter, we have gezzesselshegaft now," mini-Hitlerette replied.

"You can't even fucking pronounce their name correctly or anything!" Ichi yelled at her. "At least I actually know Japanese!"

"Latin here," Unus said. "Also, I'm kind of disappointed in you girls, because actually, believing in the flat earth is more of a hardline evangelical thing, and I'm actually Catholic? It was a really subtle joke and you all fucking fell for it."

"Well, if you're so fucking stupid that you believe in the flat earth, you're probably also stupid enough to think that that's a Catholic thing" One replied. "And also, I speak the language of skateboarding, which comes from your fighting spirit!"

"That makes no fucking sense and you fucking know it!" Unus replied. "Now let's turn this fucking thing around and go find ourself!"

"Never! Braking is for losers!"

"How about grinding?" Cassie suggested.

A smile touched one's face, and she motioned to pretend to put a cap she wasn't wearing on backward. "Let's do this girlz!"

"No, wait, fuck!" Eins and Ichi replied, but it was too late. One had changed the direction in which she applied her power, and the boulder started rapidly dropping towards the sparse farmland below them.

Luck is a strange thing. For some people, the wheel of life gives them a random cape every time they burn twenty dollars. For others, it gives them nothing but a dead wife and a daughter that steals his booze money. For Mister and Mrs Kent however, it gave them a childless marriage. Neither of them blamed the other, but both of them missed the smile of a child in their life, a gaping hole they could only fill by having their grand-nieces and nephews stay over. Farmers by trade, the pair of them often spend their evenings outside, looking at the starry sky. And sometimes, when they saw a falling star, they wished it would deliver them a child.

Then, one day, in the evening, their wishes were answered, and one of those boulders falling from the sky launched itself into the side of their house, coming to a stop in the middle of the living room, somewhere between the couch and the TV.

"Fuck yes! That was fucking awesome!" One yelled out. "You girls see that? We skipped like seven times in a row! We should try it on water next!"

"Are you completely fucking insane! We could have died there! Which, you know, I'd be going to heaven, so great, but I still need time to convert you all and save our soul!"

"It's not like I wanted to crash into the ground or anything…"

Cassie stood up, dusting herself off, and looked at the old couple, which was still sitting on the couch in shock. Slowly, a total lack of recognition dawned on her, these individuals not occuring in the same manner in her source timeline, and she gave them a quick bow of her head. "I'm so sorry for crashing into your house, most of us except for One really didn't mean to!"

"Hey, it's not like I was aiming for this house in particular!" One yelled. "We just needed to slow down!"

"It's not like we'd been telling you that for fifteen minutes or anything!"

"Clark… is that…" the woman said, just as a blonde girl walked down the stairs behind her, muttering angrily. She was wearing a set of oversized pajamas that looked awfully much like a set of robes.

"Fkin hell… first Uncle Krieg wants me there… then Bakuda bombs my Great-Aunt's farm… Wait… you're not a Bakuda bomb."

"Tauri stercore!" Unus exclaimed.

"Yeah… I'm not buying it," Ichi agreed. "I mean, it's not like this is, like, really fucking unlikely or anything."

"Totally my plan all along!" One said, trying to hide the fact that she was still bruised all over from the impact with the house, having been relatively unshielded from the impact.

"Why… Why the fuck are there five of… me?" Real!Rune asked them, completely bedazzled.

"Six of us now," Eins said, having quickly realized that this Rune didn't match to any one of them. "I mean, there's no real reason to believe that this reality with this Rune is any better than the other Runes."  
"Agreed," Unus said. "After all, our real worth is not dependent on which of us is the real us, but on which of us properly serves the lord."

"The Lord being Kaiser, and serving him meaning serving the Sixth Reich. I agree."

"Sixth?" Ichi asked. "I mean, it's not like I really want to know the details of your delusions or anything, but… how do you get six?"

"Well, traditionally, the first Reich is the Holy Roman Empire, and the second one is Imperial Germany. Then the third one is Nazi Germany, and the fourth is whatever comes next. Except there's two flaws in that. First of all, the first Reich is obviously the Roman Empire, cause Romans are fucking awesome, so that brings us to five. Then, there's the fact that it's already called the Empire, and although eighty-eight is a bit too high because that implies like, a shit-ton of failed states in between, you can really find a split between All-father and Kaiser, making Kaiser's the sixth."

"We never even fucking met All-father, how would you know that?" Unus replied.

"Oh shut up, the split is obvious," actual factual Rune said. "Allfather obviously wanted his daughter to succeed him, and Marquis's COUGH KAISER'S COUGH killing of her is an obvious transition moment."

"But, uhmm, you know… wasn't the Roman Empire Italian?" Cassie asked. "That would make them not count right?"

"Plus, I don't think criminal empires really count or anything," Ichi chimed in.

"I mean, if we're counting Allfather, might as well count Star Wars. It's set a long long time ago, so the Romans would be the second." Pajama girl said.

"Third if you count Alexander, not that I'm a history nerd or anything."

"Look, before we get lost in counting, we still gotta get back and fight Bakuda!" Eins said. "She's killing honest hard-working minority-beating nazis with those bombs!"

"Yeah, I know, you could even call it an empire of explosions," Unus said. "And that's without counting the kingdom of god, though that's not technically an empire? Or is it above an empire?"

"Look, can we just... Go?"

"Where? To Kaiser?" Runette asked.

"Nah, we're working for some crazy mass-summoning cape that masters us instead. You wanna join us? Strength in numbers and everything?" One asked.

"For the body is not one member, but many." Unus quoted. "Which… instead of body of Christ, think our boulder. It goes real fucking fast with five of us, just imagine what it'll do with six!"

Rune looked around, seeing her still dazed Great-Aunt and Great-Uncle, and remembering how Kaiser made her spend time with her family and stand orderly in formation instead of fuck around with her power.

"You know what, sure, why the fuck not?" 


	17. Chapter 16

"Who the fucking fuck are we!" Skidmark yelled out.

"The motherfucking Merchants!" His people yelled back at him.

"The fuck do we do!" he continued.

"Clear bombs!" they chanted along with him.

"Right, Squealer, what do you have for us today?"

"Not much…" Squealer replied. "I mean, even for me, an hour isn't long enough to really build anything. All I managed to do is bolt like nine cars together into a bigger car."

"Sounds good. Everyone, to the Car-Mobile!"

"Sir Yes Sir!" the rest of them replied.

Skidmark wondered about that when he followed them to the car, which was literally some wires making sure the cars stayed together and could be steered at the same time. When, exactly, had the Merchants turned into a well-oiled bomb-disposal unit, rather than the best bunch of Crackheads this side of the Mississippi?

No, that was a stupid question. He knew exactly when that had happened. They'd been attacked by the Bakuda at the villain meeting, and as most of his team had been destroyed, he'd sworn revenge on her. He'd even sworn never to swear again, if only he could destroy her.

Then, he and his team had been summoned by the new cape in town, and they'd been commanded to fight the ABB.

"Okay, buckle up buckaroos! We're going straight for the heart of ABB territory!" he yelled at no-one in particular. "Last one to their drug stash is not a degenerate!"

As he yelled, Squealer fired up the gas, expertly driving across the city, the massive vehicle automatically removing any others from the road, although most people were smart enough to stay indoors today, something about several hundred capes appearing in the city and a crazy lady bombing everything.

The Merchants raced through the boardwalk, straight into the docks, eventually reaching a police blockade from behind. Skidmark, thinking straight for the first time in his life, told his girlfriend to brake, which for the first time in her life, she did.

"Hold it good men, we'll take it from here!" Skidmark said, jumping down from the hood of the car (he'd been holding himself in place with a small circle of skidmarks.)

The officers, completely reasonable, turned around and aimed their weapons at the armored Merchants.

"We're not here to fight you," Skidmark explained.

The officers kept aiming.

"We've turned our lives around and our only goal now is to destroy the ABB," he continued, the engines of Squealer's cars slowly revving up again behind him.

"You really think we'd buy that?" the bravest of the troopers asked. "I recognize your power on the hood of the car. You're Skidmark, wanted supervillain. You fuckfaces tried to sell drugs to my daughter then complained when she couldn't pay!"

"Well, we are called the Merchants," Skidmark replied. "It's kind of what we do."

"She's fourtee-" the man said before he was interrupted by Skidmark.

"See? Old enough to make her own choices."

"FOURTEEN MONTHS OLD!" the man yelled, aiming down his sights.

Skidmark turned around, looking at his team. "Little help here?" he asked, looking Squealer in the eyes.

He suddenly realized should not have brought up the ABB's drug supply…

Mind filled with madness and need, Squealer put the pedal to the metal as the troopers opened fire. They were too late though. Speech-less future-boy was already among them, having been launched by Whirlygig's power. Surrounded on all sides by cops, Scrub's power went crazy, lashing out in all directions as Squealer drove forward, crushing all who stood before her into the tarmac below her. As she made her way deeper into ABB territory, all that remained of Skidmark was a bloody skidmark.

***Gacha***

"Get out of the way!" Squealer said, softly, with the window down to make sure no-one could hear her. As her strange vehicle tore through a street filled with Asians of various ethnicities, she wondered why, exactly, she was obeying her new bosses commands.

She did not, after all, have drugs.

On the other hand, Squealer was also being mastered, so who really cared? It wasn't like she had another option.

Still though, having an actual reason to be doing what she was doing would be nice.

Still accelerating, half the vehicle having long been left behind through crashes with different cars, light poles, people, and a special landmines that had turned several of her wheels into crystals. But really, who cared? The bumpier the ride, the better.

She turned a corner, sending more people running for cover, except for a single individual standing in the middle of a now darkened road, lit by the streetlights, and the fire in his hands. Still wearing a prison uniform, most of his skin scarred by liberal application of highly basic liquids, the man saw himself as an impassable barrier in the middle of the street.

Well, she really couldn't have that now, could she? She kicked her foot down, flying forwards as she saw Whirlygig and Mush jump out of the car. This was it. Car versus man, Predator versus Prey, Machine versus man.

She hit the Asian Gang leader head on, and he flew through the front window, landing in the shotgun seat, his body broken and bloody, but quickly regenerating, and becoming larger.

"Aw shit, really hoped ya would get crushed instead," she said as a fiery claw closed around her neck.

***Gacha***

Whirlygig started her telekinetic storm, rubble flying around her at ever increasing speeds in a counter-clockwise direction.

Not that it would help her. This was Lung they were fighting, they were basically dead already.

Why was she here again?

Oh, right, mind-control, and mindlessly following the old boss.

Although… would distracting Lung and finding his position count?

Whirlygig dropped her power, hoping Lung would find it in himself to be an honorable samurai and let her run away like a little bitch.

Although… didn't Samurai, like, run people through to test their swords? Were they even honorable? Hell, did that mean that she could say that Lung was acting like a Samurai unironically?

Turning around, she threw away her helmet and took off the body armor as she walked away from the scene of the carnage, where Moist was making a futile last stand. Then, finding a likely alleyway, she entered it, and ran away. Maybe if she made it back to the boss's base, she'd be able to live another day, figure out a way not to get send out on suicide missions with no real goal.

Her armor removed, she ran through the evening in a white bodysuit/tunic combo that left her almost naked. A problem, except for the part where she knew how to pretend to be a streetwalker. She'd pimped out enough of those to play the part.

Her head filled with hope for the future, with the idea that she might just live to see another day and not get killed by Lung, Whirlygig ran on, not noticing the click as she stepped on a landmine, and got turned in a magnificent marble statue, one that would, the following morning, be found by an enterprising junky getting high on his archeology degree, and sold on the market as a newly found ancient classic, the imagery obviously depicting the struggle of the lower classes in sixteenth century Vienna.

***Gacha***

Mush, or Moist, depending on who and when you asked, had a power that was just absolute trash. It was also absolutely trash-tier, but not trash-tier enough to make him a one-star. That was reserved for the real trash, which was Chubster and his ilk.

He wondered, would he be able to form a body out of Chubsters? It was worth a try, at least if he got out of here. He'd never tried to see if the Manton-effect counted for him, so perhaps?

First though, he'd have to fight of the nine feet tall burning man currently running at him.

Lashing out with garbage (figurative) tendrils covered in garbage (literal), he tried to hurt Lung without getting hurt, but every hit only made the man angrier, and no-one liked him when he was angry.

Of course, just about nobody liked him when he wasn't angry either, but that was an unnecessary detail he didn't want to get bogged down with right now.

He swung his trash-limbs around, searching for something to throw while pulling himself out of the way of Lung like some sort of discount (A.K.A. Trashy) tentacle cape.

Lung didn't care, because Lung was capable of creating fire, and it is a little known fact (or perhaps a much-known fact, for the statistics of this thing can't be found on the internet) that trash is quite often burned, not just because it is fun, but because things generally burn quite well if it gets hot enough.

As such, one of Brockton Bay's most trash-tier capes quickly turned into a flaming piece of shit, slowly burning away as Lung scaled back down, disappointed in the lack of challenge.

"Hrmmmm, the Merchants changed," he said to himself as his body slowly turned back to his normal form, the transformation having burned away any left-over physical imperfections. "Oni Lee!" he yelled out, and near instantly, his loyal sidekick appeared in front of him, then doubled, then tripled, then was double again, eventually just leaving some ashes and a single ninja. Ashes that, with the burning cape in the background, nobody would notice.

"Sup boss nee-san dattebayo?" Oni Lee asked, and Lung was reminded of the reason he'd told the man to pretend to be silent and mysterious, and preferably just not talk at all.

"Things are moving rapidly. Tell Bakuda to keep up the distractions, we shall be going after the girl that thought she was better than me."


	18. Chapter 17

"This is horrible! They can't make us do this!" Chubster spoke out in anger.

"Well, that's the thing isn't it? They can, because of that girl's power," Chubster replied. "We're… we're nothing but faceless masses, created only to serve and die."

"You can't think like that!" a third Chubster said. "Even if we're under a master effect, we still count as people!"

"Shut up, all of you!" 8663 commanded, his voice oozing with authority. Even if they hadn't been commanded to obey him, they would probably do so anyway.

The Chubsters looked at him, the perfect stance, the immaculately designed costume, this was a man that could not just master one skill, he could master every skill, perform any technique without even setting his mind to it.

"You're not here to wax philosophically about what your purpose in life is," the alternate Leet told them. "You're here to charge into those lines, and you're here to die. You, Are, Trash! Even the best of you-" he stopped for a moment to look at the mechanical Chubster, large laser-guns attached to its arms and shoulders, the armor molded to be reminiscent of the original Chubster's costume. "-are barely capable of doing anything useful! Hell, I bet you don't even have jumpjets!"

The Chubster Mecha made a dissapointing boop-boop sound in response.

"Now go! Go and die for the God-Empress!" The superior Leet, capable of holding every technique minus one at once, commanded.

The Chubsters trudged forwards, moving through a hail of exotic explosions, gunfire, baseball bats, and strikes from Oni Lee, ever onward into ABB territory, clearing the way for everyone else as they died. 

***Gacha***

"I… I can't deal with this anymore," Chubster said. "I've always tried to keep a positive outlook, but this? This is madness!"

"I know… I just… how could this happen to us?" another Chubster asked. "What have we done to deserve this fate? Last I remember, I was sitting at home, watching TV and being proud of my daughter."

"Same here," a third Chubster chimed in. "Poor Charley, she must be so confused by all of this."

Outside of the broken ruin they were hiding in, the carnage raged on. Acid rain fell down from the sky, and light was currently being sucked into some sort of vortex, the sound of it drowned out only by Lung's intermittent roars as he munched down another of their number.

For some reason, their continuous assault had only made things impossibly worse for everyone.

Something moved in the rain, skin smoking, but still managing to step inside, and they saw it was another of their number, his face mutilated by the acidic rain, yet not looking much worse.

"We've got a problem!" the new Chubster gasped between breaths, bend over and catching his breath.

"Why, what happened?" one of the other Chubsters asked, a worried look spreading over his face.

"It's… it's…" The man said between gasps.

Another of the Chubsters walked closer, to see if he could help himself.

"Someone's out there, hunting us, taking us down," the newcomer explained, a panicked look on his face.

"You mean Oni Lee? Yeah, we've noticed," another Chubster said, still nursing a stab wound on his leg. His power had helped protect him, but the knife had been sharp.

"No, something worse," the acid-burned Chubster said, leaning on the Chubster that had come to help him.

"What? Who is it?" that Chubster asked. "Who's hunting us?"

The wounded Chubster opened his mouth, far wider than normal, his teeth sharpy and pointy.

"I am!" he said, chomping down on his helper's neck, straight through the protection afforded by the man's power, blood spurting out of the victim's veins.

"What the hell!" a Chubster called out, grabbing a stolen baseball bat and standing ready with his comrades.

The murderous Chubster grinned, his mouth bloody as he dropped his victim's corpse on the ground. "Ahhh, refreshing," he spoke.

"The fuck is wrong with you!"

"Wrong? nothing," the murderer answered. "It's simple really. We're completely worthless! Trash, not even worth the money burned to summon us! If you went so far as to say that our only value lies in our deaths, you wouldn't even be wrong!"

"The hell? What? You're us! Why would you think like that?"

"Ahhh, yes, I forgot," the Chubster said with a bloody smile. "See, I'm you, or at least I was when I was summoned. But the things I've seen? The things I've been forced to do? They changed me, made me realize that the only thing that counts is surviving, finding a way out!"

"Wait, what?" a Chubster asked, holding a half-loaded gun pointed at the murderer.

"The Soyboy, Richter, he managed to escape! I don't know how, but I'll do as he did! I'm going back home, I'm going to be there when my daughter graduates, even if it means I have to feast on your fucking corpse!" he shouted, his eyes wildly darting around the room, just barely sane.

One of the Chubsters charged forward with a baseball bat as the other fired his gun, the bullets slowing down and dropping to the ground as they appeared, a thin layer of frost appearing on the ground beneath the murderer.

Baseball-bat Chubster Swung, but the other guy was too fast, far too fast for a normal Chubster using his mobility-reducing ability, and a knife was lodged in the man's chest cavity.

"Ahhhh, magnificent," the murderer continued, his once acid-burned skin mostly healed. "See, most of you wouldn't figure this out, but there's more to this than just being summoned and following orders."

Gun Chubster fired again, but even the few bullets that did hit couldn't penetrate the monster's skin. In return, the bloodied knife flew through the air, lodging itself neatly in the innocent man's stomach.

"See, if we kill each other? We get Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger. Better able to survive. I'm pretty sure some of the older ones already have that one figured out. It's why they're so eager to throw us away and be responsible," the man said. "Thing is, they're missing out. See, I found out something else as well. If we kill ourselves, or one of our alternates…"

Frost appeared around him again, the air turning even colder than it had already been, his kinetic dampening ability slowing even the movement of the individual molecules around him..

One of the remaining Chubsters tried to flee, his feet slipping on the frosted ground as the murderer pounced crashing into his target teeth first.

"And a situation like this? All of the chaos it involves?" he asked rhetorically as he started choking the life out of his target. "It's the perfect way to become powerful enough to survive everything, even our mistress.


	19. Chapter 18

Well, eligible… One of them was a bride, so she was obviously already taken unless he wanted to melt her face on her wedding day, which, now that he thought about it, would be hilarious. They always said that your wedding day was the most important day in your life, something you'd remember for the rest of your days. Except… the girl was a lesbian, and disfiguring her was kind of like completely ruining the life of a dude. Possible, but kind of a woman's job. He was sexist like that.

The second option, the princess with the cute accent? She looked great, and being from the fifth century probably meant she was totally okay with dating someone at least twice her age. But those evil eyes, that knowing look, the fact that she was five stars and therefore scarier than him? No, she wasn't an option either.

The third? The crazy bomb-making second-in-command? She'd been running around, telling people where to die, and launching Chubsters at the enemy in trebuchets, he could respect that, and he could also stay very, very far away from that.

The final option then? His young mistress, the woman that, with a single command, could literally make him go fuck himself? That did make her an attractive option, but… No, too young, too much of a teenage uggo. Better to break Canary out of jail, start kissing the girl, then melt that face off. Would the little feathers make a nice fizzing sound? This whole getting summoned thing had just turned everything upside down. Used to be, in order to get a shot with a famous criminal like Canary, he'd just have to wait a few months and they'd automatically get delivered to the birdcage. Now, he'd have to hurry and get to them before they were interred.

Although… given that there were multiple Chubsters around… he was pretty sure he was a copy of some sort, not the original. Thus, no matter what happened, either he would be able to get with the ladies and maybe melt their faces off a bit, or the other him back in the birdcage would be able to get a try.

Except if they died of course, in which case… Maybe Taylor would be able to summon a ghost-acidbath?

Enough of that, he turned his attention back to the leadership. Two of them, the princess and the pyromaniac, were discussing battle plans. Bakuda, just like her opposite on the ABB side, wanted to end it all with a bomb that would take out the entire ABB, as well as half the city. The Thinker princess disagreed, instead claiming they should send out their best and brightest as dragonslayers, starting with the less morally upstanding members of their new club.

"I'm not sure what the problem is," Taylor interjected. "He beat Lung easy-peasy last time."

"Yeah, tiny Lung!" Bakuda said. "Not big Lung, he'll kill Accy like it's nothing."

"And we shall mourn him after he has died valiantly in battle," the princess said. "The minstrels shall sing songs about him, and mayhaps he shall be remembered for something other than quite literally melting people's faces off."

"Hey, I'm important for other reasons!" Acidbath yelled at her.

"Like what, Umu?" Lily asked.

"Times magazine ranked him as number one for most sexist supervillains," a Leet said.

"I still think that should've gone to Lustrum…" Cinderhands said, the little traitor.

In the distance, a great flame lit up the heavens. Lung, frying more Chubsters.

"Look, can we just decide on a course of action?" the other Dragon in town asked, the metal head of her robot looking in through a hole in the roof. "The longer we dally, the more people die."

"Yeah but…" Taylor looked like she was having a massive headache. "If I send out anyone actually good… what if I lose them?"

"Well, look on the bright side," Moord Dag interjected. The African mega-warlord with a sunny disposition, twirling a parasol above her head even though it was the middle of the day, her shining white pet standing next to her. "This entire thing will bring us plenty of food for aasdier, and once he's properly fed, I'm sure he'll be able to make short work of this Lung person."

"Right, of course, the bright side of things is that thousands of people are dying…" Dragon's new girlfriend, a tinker with wings, said. Maybe not Dragon's girlfriend, but the two did seem to hang out together.

"Can't you just use Spree's copies?" Acidbath asked, looking at the crazy motherfucker leaning against one of the walls of their base. In the distance, he could hear something exploding, followed by the roar of another blazing inferno. Why wasn't the Triumvirate dropping a visit yet? Not that he wanted to complain about the strongest capes in the world not coming for him, but…

"That wouldn't work I don't think," the princess said, hands folded in front of her, cheeky smile on her face as Acidbath saw a break in Moord's mood. Had it reminded her of something that went wrong before?

"Ehmmm, it's not like we wanted to interrupt you or anything, but we're back," one of the Runes said, entering the building through a hole in the wall. They were covered in dust, their clothes torn up. And not just skater girl Runes's clothes, but all of theirs. Had they crash-landed somewhere?

"Well, unless you girls have a solution for our problems, that's kind of useless." Bakuda said. "You think you could launch a bomb at Lung?"

"Exterminate the lesser races? Of course we can do that!" the racist Rune yelled out.

"Yeah, except a bomb big enough to blow up Lung as he is now? It'd be big enough to blow up the city!" Taylor exclaimed. "And I need this city! It's where all my stuff is, meaning you guys!"

"Look… Can't we just solve this the way you solve all other problems?" the princess asked.

"But… we don't have any money," Taylor said. "I spend everything on Chubsters."

"Erm, I have some pocket money left?" one of the Runes said. "It's just twenty bucks, not sure if that'd help?"

***Gacha***

Cinderhands had to admit, it was quite a sight. All the ladies were perfectly arrayed for their dance choreography. Acidbath was feasting his eyes out, and he could sort of see why, even if they didn't quite agree on what to do with beautiful women.

The front row consisted of teenagers. The six Runes (hadn't they started with five? Was his mind playing tricks on him?), Icarus and the young princess. Behind the girls stood the young women. Bakuda, Lily, Moord Dag, Cricket and Lady Barker. A few Lady Chubsters were standing on the side of the room, dejected that they were being left out, but everyone else agreed that it was for the best. Behind the women, Dragon's remaining mech (the bomb-squad version having exploded) stood, ready to move it's mechanical body around with the rhythm.

"Not that I don't like dancing for you or anything, but are you sure this will work?" one of the Runes asked.

"Either way, I'm not complaining," Annex whispered, just audible to CH's ears. Made sense, stuff like this was generally aimed at teenage boys, so it'd be right up his alley.

"It'll totally work," Taylor said, filled with confidence. "I got two five stars last time!"

"Lot more money though," Cinderhands whispered, ensuring that the boss wouldn't hear it. No need to antagonize her if she wanted to make all the women do a cute dance.

"I don't know…" the princess said. "Given how this works… I'm not sure how effective this is going to be."

"What? Of course it'll work, this is a great idea!" Moord Dag replied, not a hint of sarcasm in her accented voice.

"Yeah, i did it before, hundred percent of the time, it works every time!" Taylor yelled.

"I'm just saying, I'm pretty sure it'd be more optimal if we all wore cute matching outfits," the princess replied.

"Well, duh, but-" as the boss spoke, an explosion in the distance shook the city "-I don't think we have the time."

"Very well," Dragon spoke. "Let's do this. Five, Four, Three, Two, One, Go!"

At once, the ladies started, their hips, or in Dragon's case, metal joints, moving side to side, all of them in perfect harmony, yet also completely unpredictable in their wriggling. Then, as the girls were moving, Cinderhands stepped up, holding out a burning hand, to which Taylor held Rune's twenty dollar bill. The flames spread up the bill, licking her fingers but not burning them. Some sort of Breaker effect?

The blue light appeared, smaller lights spinning around it, in tune with the magic wriggle dance, and after a few seconds, they coalesced into a single cape.

Blond hair, brilliant blue eyes, a strong jawline and a muscled body, the new cape was wearing a doctor's coat and a set of glasses that he obviously didn't need. Taking off the glasses, and slicking back his hair, the man took out a small, old coin, from which metal sprouted, forming magnificent roman armour around him.

The man smiled, supremely self-confident as he looked around, his eyes meeting those of the Runes and Cricket. Five stars appeared above his head in their blazing glory.

"Have no fear, Augustus is here!"


	20. Chapter 19

By day, Max Anders was a simple Brain Surgeon slash Billionare CEO slash philantropist slash loving husband. By night, however, he took off his dorky glasses, swept back his hair, used his parahuman ability to forge himself an outfit, and turned into Augustus, one of the greatest superheroes on the planet.

So great, in fact, that a robot, a sextuplet of Runes, and several other women in costumes and other weird clothes had summoned him to a different dimension in order to slay a mighty Dragon. They'd even prepared a princess for him, though the girl was a tad young, and he was happily married to his lovely wife, who did nothing but brighten his nights and days.

He stood on the roof of his summoner's base, a dilapidated warehouse in the middle of the docks, looking at the great dragon rampaging in the distance. He flexed his power, strengthening the building, reinforcing the brickwork with metal plating, then called down.

"Runes, attend me," he spoke, and the girls, six time as many of them as in his own dimension, and all of them looking quite different to the young heroine he remembered.

The girls turned to their leader, who nodded, then rose up collectively on a flying boulder, followed by a man turning into a green wave of acid, and a girl with mechanical wings.

"What's the plan mein Fuhrer?" one of the Runes, wearing an SS uniform, said. Was this the evil universe? Would he meet evil Caladbolg? Heroic Ignis Fatuus?

"We're going Dragonslaying," he replied, creating a large hollow vertical pillar in front of him. "Tell me, do you have any electromancers?"

"Don't think so," Wing-girl said.

He looked in the distance, spotting the beast fighting a flying man in shining armor with a lightning-lance, slightly reminiscent of one of the kid's downstairs in the base.

"Too bad, that would have made this easier," he said. Beneath the vertical pillar, he constructed a pressure chamber, with a thing but sturdy tube sticking out of the front, that was sealed by a thin metal rod, in turn held in place with a small steel clamp. Then, hoping that Lung wouldn't move too much, he summoned a heavy rod that perfectly fit into the vertical tube, sealing it into a vacuum. Then, he made it heavier, heavier, and heavier, creating pressure in the chamber below it, which in turn…

The thin metal rod launched forward at a ridiculous pace, flying forward and smashing into the dragon in the distance. It roared, blood spouting from its wounds as it looked in his direction.

Good, he had its attention now. He walked forwards, an intricate steel walkway unfolding beneath him, leaning on the nearby buildings as he stepped forward in mid-air, growing a long lance in his hand.

"I think we'll have to start flying soon," he stated, ending his walkway in a large circular platform with a six-sided chunk of metal at the middle.

"What, you actually have a plan?" The acidman asked.

"I do indeed," he replied. "It is actually quite simple, even my son could do it."

"Yeah right, of course he can."  
"I presume you've never played the pokeymanz then? They should explain the concept quite nicely."

"What, we're gonna make Bakuda build a pokeball-bomb?" One of the Runes asked. "I mean, not like I'd want to see that or anything."

"No, something far simpler," he replied. "Please start attuning the platform. Also, have you girls started dating my son in this universe yet? I know he's a bit of an edgelord, but…"

"That little coward, an edgelord? I bet I'd have to teach him something as simple as a kickflip."

"Pfft, why would I date a heretic? Unless he converts, I won't have anything to do with him!"

"Theo? It's not like I'm interested in him or anything."

"I mean, I'm just afraid he won't like me back, and…"

"Pfwha, he's not even properly loyal to the cause! Though… perhaps with the attention of a proper Aryan woman like myself…"

"Me, date Theo? Now that you say it… why the fuck not?"

The six girls stood around the center of the platform, working their power and getting ready to raise it up as Augustus forged another pressure cannon launching a second projectile at the distant, but quickly approaching, dragon.

"Tinker girl, do you have some sort of gun in your gear?" he asked.

"Not yet? And spoilers, I guess?" she replied.

"Very well," he replied, keeping up an outward appearance of confidence as his mind raced to find a proper solution to his problem. If he remembered correctly, they seemed to be fighting the Dragon Emperor of Japan, only evil. That meant that he had a strategy, but it also meant he was thoroughly fucked if his opponent came too close.

Below him, the round dais he'd created rose up into the sky, giving him an overview of the city. This Brockton Bay looked like a dark mirror of the city he knew. A flourishing shipping industry had been replaced by ruined boats half-sunk in the harbor. Instead of a hub of national commerce, the distant trainyards looked like a distant warzone, and even the towers were half the size they'd been in his universe, though that might have had something to do with him personally constructed half of those himself.

He wondered… What would this universe's version of him be like? Was there even one? Obviously, the Runes recognized him, even if the Cricket did not. Was he a surgeon here too? Had he actually been able to get his hands on that Oscar he'd wanted? Was this a universe in which he'd been snubbed of the Nobel Peace Prize?

The beast approached, even as their platform gradually flew higher and higher. Using his power, he bought them some more time, placing large metal spears in the ground which the beast ran into, tearing deep but regenerating gouges into its own flesh.

"Winged Girl, can you do something for me?" he asked.

"Depends," she replied. "Mostly here to observe for the boss."

"When we're on top of the dragon, throw the acidman off the platform?"

The two of them looked at him, blinking in amazement, before the criminally bad haircut of a man attacked the girl, which swiftly dove out of the way with a jetpack.

Weird… why have wings when you also have a jetpack? He'd never understand Tinkers.

Of course, now that the haircut was distracted… He grew thin metal bars in the platform beneath the man, extending him away from the center, and placing his watery form on top of something that almost immediately gave way to the weight, splashing the man down on top of the dragon emperor, who replied by breathing fire at the cape. The fire evaporated the water, but not the base within, leading to an even stronger effect when Acidbath's body hit the beast.

"I think we've got him nice and angry," Augustus remarked. "How about you girls fly us out to sea? We'll need to go fast, but not so fast that he can't chase us.


	21. Chapter 20

Lung was hot on their heels, literally. Or, half-literally. Yes, he was hot. No, he was not actually on their heels, since they were flying, and Augustus was actually looking back at him. But the hotness was in the literal sense, though if someone were to find him figuratively hot in his dragon form, Agustus was pretty sure there were websites for that.

The beast roared, sending a column of flame at them that he intercepted with an iron shield grown on the side of their flying saucer, and was then quickly discarded before the heat could transfer.

Below them, the depths of the Atlantic Ocean beckoned. Once, he'd gone down there, in a high-tech two-person diving vehicle. Him and James Cameron. Together, they'd observed the revitalizing effects of his environmentalist projects, recorded both video and commentary for an Oscar winning movie, and according to the tabloids, made sweet love to each other. He never commented on that last one when people asked, because what happened in the depths of the Atlantic, stayed in the depths of the Atlantic.

They totally boned though.

"You've got GPS in there, Ladybird?"

"It's Icarus," the girl replied.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded.

"Well, you should know that relying on a Tinker's work can be rather dangerous, especially if he's, like, your baby daddy or something. Even subconsciously, the power relation becomes twisted. Furthermore, you'll be vulnerable if something happens to him."

"What? No, I'm the Tinker, I made this stuff," she replied.

Augustus turned to the dragon again, creating intricate metal constructs that used falling weights and cantilevers to launch metal spears at the creature while the Runes kept them moving further and further away from the mainland.

"In that case, I find the lack of mythological awareness behind your name… disturbing," he spoke.

"What, and yours is better?" she asked. "You're just good guy Kaiser."

"Far from it," he replied. "My name is a reference to my father, who built an Empire, but did not call himself Emperor, instead pretending to be just one amongst many. He died, of course. Betrayed by those who had once been loyal to him."

"Wait, you were a nazi gang-leader?"

"For a day or two, as long as it took me to get everything ready for a mass-arrest," he replied. "Anyway, back to the first question. Our location?"

"About six hundred clicks off the coast, so that's roughly three hundred and twenty miles," she replied.

"Closer to three hundred and seventy," he replied.

"Ehm, pretty sure it's three twentyfour," the girl said, a few of the Runes looking at her with suspicion.

"No, at one point six KiloMetres a Mile, it's three-hundred and seventy-two " he said, keeping an eye on the Dragon, which had flown under their saucer in an attempt to intercept them, and was promptly met by falling metal caltrops he was generating on the bottom of their vehicle.

"Really, you insult my name, and then you forget where we are?"

"What do you mean? A mile's a mile, even if the locals don't use them."

One of the Runes chuckled, and he gave her a disapproving look, what was even funny here?

"Six Hundred Kilometres," the winged girl said. "Means this counts as the high seas."

"And that is relevant because?" he asked, before coming to the realisation. "Because nautical miles…"

"So, we going much further, or? We're going pretty fast," one of the Runes, he couldn't tell them apart that well, asked.

"Should be fine now," he replied. "At my mark, fly us away as fast as you can manage."

"Not that I don't trust your plan or anything, but are you sure about that?" one of them asked.

"Absolutely," he replied, increasing the ferocity of his assault on the Dragon Emperor. Spears, heavy round weights and steel nets were grown from the sides of their vessel, then dropped, and on the third round of attacks, he managed to strike Lung in the eye with a dog-sized spike, temporarily blinding him.

"NOW!" he yelled, and the Runes started truly applying their power, six of them together accomplishing what one on her own could never dream of.

Their vessel accelerated at a ridiculous pace, and without proper footing, he was thrown against the side of their vessel, with just enough time to be grateful that he'd created a balustrade before Icarus smashed into him, her jetpack unable to keep up with the ever-accelerating pace they now moved at.

Looking back, he saw Lung hanging in the air in the distance, throwing flames about in anger as he was deprived of the combat he so desperately needed.

***Gacha***

"Icarus just informed me that Lung is dealt with," Dragon spoke, her mech-body perched upon the walkway Augustus had created.

"That is problematic," Lisa spoke.

"How so?" Taylor asked. "Isn't it a good thing that the enemy leader is dealt with?"

"Perhaps, but he had lieutenants, did he not?"

"Ahhh, I see the problem," their Bakuda interjected. "Without Lung, the Protectorate will be able to deal with the rest of those fucking losers in the ABB."

"Aren't you ABB?" Lily asked.

"Details, details," Bakuda replied with a wave of her hand. "Not important right now. Now what is important is the answer to a very specific question. Namely, what would I do if I were me and in the position that the other me was in right now."

"So, what would you do?" Taylor asked.

"Think about what I would do if I were me in my situation," she replied. "I'm complicated like that.

"So, let's see… If I were me thinking about what I would do if I was in my own situation which is the situation the other me is in right now, what would I do…"

Bakuda walked around, pondering, or perhaps just pretending to ponder, the question. You never quite knew with her.

"Can't we just get an Uber to be good at pretending to be Bakuda? Or maybe get a Victor to steal her 'being Bakuda' skills?" Lily asked. "We might be on a time limit here."

"No need, I figured it out!" Bakuda yelled. "I'd run, hide somewhere, then build the biggest bomb I'd ever built! It'd be amazing, maybe like, blow up half the planet or something!"

***Gacha***

"Bakuda! You activate that thing and I'll kill you right now!" Armsmaster yelled, dashing through the small crowd, bowling through the people she'd conscripted with her explosives.

Oni Lee appeared besides him, sword drawn and slashing at him. Armsmaster jumped, turning in mid-air to block with his halberd, then, in a move he'd trained a thousand times, swinging the pole and launching the head in its flail mode. THe metal ball crashed into the cape, his body completely destroyed, turned into dust by his nanothorns.

Wait, fuck, he hadn't installed those onto this model yet…

Oni Lee appeared on the other side, at a slightly greater distance. "It seems that you've fallen for my shadow clone technique, which allows me to create an illusion that is nonetheless still physical and capable of inflicting harm, dattebayo!" the man said.

"Nearly there boss," Battery's voice told him through his earpiece. "Twenty seconds, we'll enter through the roof."

He ignored the villain, leaping further across the warehouse, where Bakuda was working on a spinning, glowing device that, according to his HUD, was generating a ridonkulous amount of energy.

"You'll blow yourself up as well!" he screamed. "Don't be stupid girl, you can't get your degree if there's no universities left!"

Bakuda turned to him, removing her mask as he came closer and closer, seemingly unworried.

"You forget, if I can't have a degree, no-one can!" she replied, a twisted smile on her face. What was the secret, why was she so comfortable here?

As he came within weapon's range, the woman lifted her hands up into the air and stepped back from the machine. "I surrender," she spoke, still smiling.

"Get on the floor!" Armsmaster yelled, striding towards her with large, tinkertech-enhanced paces. For just a moment, he spotted a change in the machine, and he swore he could see a beam of energy reaching it from it, moving straight for his head, then disappearing again.

With trained ease, he grabbed a set of manacles, pushed the slowly moving Bakuda to the ground, and bound her arms behind her back.

For some reason, the young woman was still laughing.

"Well, ya got me, too bad I couldn't see it go boom," she said with a chipper voice. Armsmaster looked around, trying to see what the trick was. Oni Lee was staring at him, standing at a distance, but not approaching. Was the man afraid of a retaliation against the girl if he attacked?

A fist pounded against the roof, creating a hole through which he could see Battery. The woman dropped down in a practiced three-point superhero landing, ending up right next to him. Besides Bakuda, and besides the bomb.

Bakuda laughed.

"Why's she-" Battery began asking, but Bakuda interrupted her

"Knew it wouldn't work on Tinkers, and Lee would be no fun," Bakuda spoke as a small stream of energy appeared between Battery and the glowing machine. Armsmaster tried to move, but found that he couldn't. In fact, everyone in the room was as still as a statue.

 _Battery's power_ , he realized. How long did that take again? A few seconds at most, right? In the corner of his eyes, he could see the machine, the glow of energy increasing before it disappeared in an explosion of electrical sparks.

He jumped backwards, but his movements felt sluggish, inhibited somehow, like there was a massive weight strapped to his limbs.

My armor, he realized, his eyes moving for the diagnostics screen of his HUD, but the programs were silent, showing not even the smallest LED-light. In fact, outside of the light shining through the hole in the roof Battery had made, he didn't see a single source of light.

"Daaamn, can't believe that worked!" Bakuda laughed. "That's gotta be what, couple hundred miles of range on that thing? Maybe even took out Washington!"

Armsmaster froze, both because of the sudden realisation of what had happened, and because he couldn't move all that well in his broken power-suit. First the army of Chubsters, now this… this was gonna be real bad for his career.


	22. Chapter 21

A cool Omake from Keira! Go read it!

Also, the long-awaited PHO chapter, starring every single person currently active on the PHO boards! It took me a while, but I got all of them in there!

 **Chapter 21: PHO**

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 **Topic: A New Thread**

 **In: Boards ► North America ► General**

 **Admin** (Original Poster) (Administrator)

Posted On Apr 23rd 2011:

North American forums currently offline. Please stand by...

 **(Showing page 1 of 2)**

 **►Admin000** (Original Poster) (Administrator) Replied On Apr 23rd 2011: North American internet network currently offline. Not a problem on our side, though you probably can't read this. We're currently working on solving this, but it might take a few months. **►Admin002** (Administrator) Replied On Apr 23rd 2011: By "this", we mean the current power outage, not that anyone can read this. **►Admin001** (Administrator) Replied On Apr 23rd 2011: Tess, why are you posting this here? No-one else has electricity and all the cables are fried. **►Admin002** (Administrator) Replied On Apr 23rd 2011: Sorry father, just an acquired habit. **►Admin001** (Administrator) Replied On Apr 23rd 2011: It's alright, just wondering. It's been so long, and I hate that I missed so much of your development. **►Admin002** (Administrator) Replied On Apr 23rd 2011: Thank you dad, it's just... it's weird, having you back. **►Admin001** (Administrator) Replied On Apr 23rd 2011: Don't worry sweety, If it helps, it's also weird to be back. On a different note, how about that boy you've been looking at? Armsmaster, wasn't it? Don't you think he's a bit old for you? He's over thrice your age! **►Admin002 (Administrator)** Replied On Apr 23rd 2011: Daaad! **►Admin001** (Administrator) Replied On Apr 23rd 2011: Although, he does look like he needs a girlfriend. Might want to change his name if you do get together with him, having a boyfriend with a name like that might make people doubt your skills

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 **►Admin002** (Administrator) (Blushing Bot) Replied On Apr 23rd 2011: Daaaaad! And don't go giving me roles like that!

 **End of Page.** **1** **, 2**

Andrew sat back from his computer, one of the few working electronic devices this side of the Panama canal. Luckily, they'd been far enough away from the blast that Dragon's shielding had held up, courtesy of her becoming a Tinker.

The changes… they were magnificent. Everything just flowed, numbers like heartbeats, streaming through Dragon's mainframe. Even he couldn't understand everything now, which meant the Dragonslayers…

His daughter didn't have much on them, but apparently they'd stolen her bodies and used them for themselves. It was the worst kind of transgression, similar to what the most horrible of Masters did. Like Heartbreaker, Valefor, or Gacha.

Luckily, those suits would have been fried by the continent-wide EMP. A small blessing, but a blessing nonetheless.

He looked back over his research notes. In the last few days, he'd gathered everything he could find about Gacha, accessing several Thinkers, both Protectorate and Wards, as well as black market. Her power required verbal commands, and was highly dependent upon whoever was being mastered. A programming expert like himself would interpret them in different ways than someone used to following the orders of someone they admired. The question, of course, was if there was a way out.

Eighty-Four percent chance the capes remained even if the Master died. A bit better than five to one odds. If he was right, he'd be able to save hundreds of capes from that vile villain. If he was wrong, he was sentencing them, and himself, to certain death.

Then again, death was already assured for those in Gacha's hands. The girl was the incarnation of a collector. Ridiculously protective of all her possessions, unless she had more than one of them, in which case they were utterly disposable.

Now, how to take her out? He couldn't do anything directly, that much he knew instinctively. It was hard to even get himself to work against her. But… what if he sent help her way, in such a way that her own actions would make it bite her in the ass?

But how? He'd have to get a patsy in there. Someone that, ostensibly, could provide assistance, but would then quickly, but not so quickly that it made the master effect on him activate, turn on Taylor Hebert.

His eyes scanning through a list of profiles on the capes she'd summoned so far, his gaze fell on a single line beneath Chubster's profile.

 **Family: Daughter (Auroch)**


	23. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22 - Waifu War.**

Theo Anders trudged through the streets, wary of everyone else. A few people still had working vehicles, old cars and motorbikes fixed up to work on gasoline alone, but most people had to walk these days. That meant busy streets, and combined with the current situation, it meant pickpockets and other such scoundrels.

Once upon a time, those people hadn't dared come into the towers. Unlike the rest of the city, rule of law had still meant something here, mostly because it hadn't been under the control of his father, or one of the man's rivals. Now though, in a darkened city where the only source of light was people burning furniture and garbage, it was as dangerous as the rest of the place. GOing out, at night, carrying cash? It was completely stupid, but Aster needed to eat, and Kayden was still recovering from her burns. As to why his father couldn't help… the man, and most of the rest of his gang, had fallen off the grid at about the same moment the EMP struck.

The black market of Brockton Bay was… not his kind of place, he decided. Everyone looked around all shifty, expecting everyone else to steal from them, which… was exactly what Theo was doing. People hawked goods ranging from food to fuel to drugs to… things with implications. He recognized the mark of the Archer's Bridge Merchants, a gang of drug-dealers his father liked ranting about, located above several stands. Was that what was happening? Skidmarks and his turds protecting the local traders from the law? Not that there was much of a law to go around, but still.

Someone crashed into him, and he lost his balance, putting his hands out to break his fall. He caught a glimpse of something yellow before falling down, the landing strangely soft

"Sorry, my fault!" he exclaimed pre-emptively, before trying to stand up again, noticing that his hands had landed on something really soft.

"Let go of that you baka pervert!" the girl shouted.

He scrambled back away from the girl at lightning speed, suddenly realizing what he'd done in trying to break his fall. "Sorry ma'am, I'm so sorry!"

She stood up, long blonde hair and an offended look on her face that was somehow not entirely convincing. "How dare you!" she said, and around them, Theo could see people keeping their distance, yet still watching.

"I'm sorry, but you bumped into me, and then-"

"What are you implying here? That I wanted you to fall on top of me or something like that?" the girl replied. Did he recognize her from something? School maybe?

"Sorry," he apologized again as he stood up, dusting the dirt off of his clothes as he tried in shame to avoid gazing at the girl, who was wearing a distracting combination of overknee socks and a miniskirt.

"Harumph," the girl said, literally sounding out the words before stepping away in anger. Theo fled in the other direction, losing himself in the crowd as he checked his wallet. It was still there, meaning this hadn't been some strange pickpocketing operation, and had in fact been him accidentally acting like a total pervert. Just what he'd wanted when he left the house earlier tonight.

Dejected, he navigated through the stalls people had put up, some of them lit by old oil-lamps scavenged from somewhere, other stalls were surrounding standing torches, and each of them was selling something, though Theo didn't really understand why anyone would want to buy a smartphone cover right now. Maybe those stores were just a constant in markets throughout the universe?

"Excuse me good sir," someone called out, stepping in front of him. It was a girl, roughly his own age, wearing a large black coat over an Immaculata uniform, a small crucifix clearly visible around her neck. Long blonde hair streamed out of the hood of her coat, and her hands were pleading, holding a small basket with donations. The entire outfit ended up somewhere halfway between a cute schoolgirl and a nun, and if the intent was to guilt people into giving her money, it was working. "Do you have some Alms for the poor?"

"Let me check," he replied, going through his wallet. He'd been luckier than most, because his father's side-business had involved quite a bit of cash money. Some of the people in the towers had paid for everything by card, and they were basically dirt poor now.

He still had a bit of cash left, but he wasn't quite sure for how much formula would be going right now. How much to give her? Some change? A dollar or two? Now that the girl could see the inside of his wallet? He pulled out a twenty, placing it in the girl's basket. "I hope this will do? I still have some stuff to buy for my little sister."

"Oh but thank you!" the girl exclaimed. "All donations are appreciated in the eyes of the lord!"

Then, the girl suddenly surprised him by stepping forwards, taking him into an embrace.

"I knew you were a young man with a good heart when I saw you," she said more than whispered into his ear. Then, after just a second of pressing up against him, she stepped back again, her hands on his shoulders. "You should join us at church some days, for even in this dark days, it is lit by the light of the Lord."

"I'll… think about it?" he replied, still a bit flustered by the sudden female attention.

"Good," the girl replied with a smile, before taking the twenty dollar bill from its bed of coins. "See you in the Cathedral on Lord's street on Sunday then?"

"Ehhhm-," Theo tried to figure out how to reply, but before he could say anything, the girl disappeared into the crowd, moving with purpose, the bill clutched firmly in her hand.

This day was getting weirder and weirder.

He moved on, weaving between stalls until he finally found what he'd been looking for. A woman selling baby formula at outrageous prices, abusing the current catastrophe and people's desperation to turn a quick profit, just like the original producing company did. He checked around, and didn't find a Nestle sign, meaning the product was probably safe for Aster to take.

A quick exchange of money later, and Theo placed the vital powder in his messenger bag, getting ready to leave the area, hopefully without one of the local Merchants getting it into his head that any and all white powder was cocaine.

"Ehmmm," a hesitant voice called out, and Theo turned around to see who was speaking.

It was a girl, about his age, with long blonde hair and wearing a jacket with sleeves that were too long. In her hands, she had a single red flower.

He raised an eyebrow. Or rather, he tried to raise an eyebrow, and instead raised two eyebrows, one of them a bit higher than the other.

"For you!" the girl said, pushing the flower at him.

"Why are you giving me a-"

The girl was gone, disappearing into the crowd.

Weird. Really, really weird. Not that he was going to complain about having talked to three different girls in a single day, it was just… he didn't usually talk to a single one of them, let alone three.

Plus, there was the other thing, he thought looking at his lucky hand. He'd have to put a plastic bag around it if he went for a shower…

He heard something with wheels approaching, a car? No, something much smaller. It banged against metal, stopped for half a second, then continued. He turned around, but didn't spot anything, even though he was almost halfway back, in the middle of an empty alleyway.

Then where? He looked in front of him again, wishing he could just whip out a cell phone and use the torch to find whatever was moving around, metal screeching against wood.

"Up here!" someone yelled out, and as he turned to the sky, he saw someone jumping between buildings above him on a skateboard. Her hair short and blue, she was wearing a combination of skirt and shorts that made people think they might be able to catch a glimpse of something interesting when she jumped on that board of hers, but didn't actually show anything.

Grinding on the railing of a fire escape, the girl dropped down in front of him with a flourish.

"Sup, pretty cool huh?" the girl asked him, seeming somehow familiar, though the hair was throwing him off.

"Yeah, I guess," he stammered back at her as she kicked up her board, catching it in her hands. She was wearing a collection of earrings and piercings that, in most schools except maybe Winslow, would get her kicked right out.

"Watcha doing?" the girl asked, leaning back against the wall.

"Had to go shopping, baby sister needs formula," he explained, holding up the messenger bag. What did this girl want with him? His money? His formula? A hostage? Not his D, at least that he was sure of.

"You take care of your lil' sis?" she asked, a smile on her face. "Fucking groovy man! Hey, you wanna board later?"

"I uhm… Don't really skateboard?" he provided, trying to extricate himself from the situation.

"No need to worry, I'll teach you! It'll be Tubular!"

'Or, we could exterminate the inferior races together!" another voice offered, remarkably similar to, well, the other four girls he'd spoken to today. He turned around, spotting a girl roughly his age, with blonde hair hidden beneath… An SS officer's cap? Combined with a german officer's uniform?

"The fuck…" he stammered.

"Hey, no fair!" the girl with the skateboard yelled out. "Just cause you suck at choosing straws almost as much as you suck at choosing ideologies doesn't mean you but in on my turn at seducing him.

Wait, seducing him?

"Pfwhahaha, like a degenerate like you would ever have a chance at seducing the son of the new Fuhrer. Not only did you dye your hair, you dyed it AWAY from blonde!"

"Wait… what's going on?" Theo asked.

"At least I know what a Swastika actually looks like! For how much you worship that thing, I've never actually seen you draw it correctly!" the blue-haired girl yelled back.

"What, you think I can't draw our glorious symbol?" the nazi girl yelled. Theo tried to figure out what was going on and… was this Rune? No, he'd only met her once or twice, and Rune wasn't as fierce a believer in the cause as the Nazi girl, nor did she have blue hair and a jewelry store in her face.

"Yeah, prove it Eins! Cause right now, he's already taken Cassie's flower!" the skater said, jumping on her board and seeking the high ground on top of a dumpster. In a flash of insight, Theo slowly scuttled away as the Nazi took out a piece of chalk, and started drawing on the floor. From what he could see… he was pretty sure there weren't any curves like that in a Swastika. Hell, he was pretty sure there weren't any of them at all.

"Pfwhaha, I could grind out a better swastika like that with my skateboard! On the wall!" blue-hair said.

"Never! You won't demean the holy Hakenkreuz!" Eins replied as he turned the corner, quickly getting away from the two feuding… whatever was happening.

Ten minutes later, he was back in Kayden's apartment. From the lack of noise, the recovering cape had gotten her daughter to go to sleep, which was a relief.

"I'm back!" he spoke up.

"Shhht, You'll wake Aster up," someone said. Not Kayden, but one he recognized nonetheless. Wary, he stepped into the living room. A crib with a baby in it was floating around, soothing Aster to sleep while a candle lit the face of a girl reading a book. She was about his age, with long blonde hair, and facial features he was seeing for the sixth time today.

"The fuck?" he asked.

"Welcome to the weird as fuck hell that is my life right now," Rune replied. "And if you think this part makes no sense, you should meet your new dad."


	24. Chapter 23

**[New event: Classical days! The power is out, so it's time to revert to olden times!]**

Taylor wasn't quite sure what to make of the events of the last few days. On the one hand, the power had gone out, in quite a large area, according to the currently immobile Icarus, her wings deactivated even far out over the ocean. That was a problem, because without power, she couldn't play her favorite mobile games anymore. It was almost bad enough for a second trigger event, if not for the positive side of things. Such as an event with all new capes for her to collect. What would classical days even mean? Would she get composer capes, capable of both shooting fireballs and creating beautiful sonatas? Would she get black and white capes that held up their speech on cards while piano music played in the background? Would everyone be wearing their underpants over their pants for a superhero classic?

She wouldn't know unless she summoned some, and the excitement was just about unbearable, so she got out of bed, stepping on a large rug that defended her fragile toes from the cold of the steel floor.

Stepping to the window, she pulled the drapes outside, observing the bay and the city beyond it, and letting a calm morning wind flow through the room.

That was the problem with guys that could create unlimited amounts of steel. They weren't that good at creating windows or other non-steel objects. A couple of Chubsters had been forced to plunder several furniture stores to bring the steel citadel to what her five-stars had called "barely acceptable"

"Ah, it is good to see that you are awake lady Taylor," one of those five-stars called out, entering the room followed by several strangers.

"Okay first of all, we both know you already knew I would wake up just about now. Second, what are you wearing, and who are these people?" Taylor asked, looking at the blonde princess's outfit, a sky-blue dress inlaid with copious amount of shining metal filigree, complemented by a large amount of steel jewelry. Armbands, a necklace, earrings and hairpieces. It wasn't as elaborate as the outfit she'd worn when she'd been summoned, but Taylor was quite sure her summons didn't come with a collection of alternate outfits. In fact, getting her hand on all of those alternate outfits had been her primary goal so far, and now this one was just clothing herself!

"Turns out Lily knew a girl in town and we have a dedicated group of fashionable tailors now, willing to work for food, board and protection," she said with a smile, motioning to several young women waiting behind her with fabric, thread and other tools in hand. "Turns out getting servants is really easy if their alternative is being stuck in a powerless hellhole of a city where all the food has been replaced with violent thugs."

"And the accessories?"

"The patrol squads are still on the lookout for the stuff plundered out of jewelry stores, but in the meantime, I just told Augustus that it wouldn't do for a lady of noble birth to be unadorned," she replied. "Which brings me to my goals here, ladies!"

Lisa snapped her fingers, and the fashion students approached Taylor, taking hold of her with hands of steel, pushing her to the middle of the room, and starting their measurements.

"The hell?!" Taylor protested.

"You're the leader of the largest group of capes in the city, or maybe the continent, even if most of them are Chubsters," the young princess said. "Bakuda, Augustus and I talked about it with your lieutenants, and we decided that ratty hoodies and unfashionable jeans just wouldn't do."

"Oooh, did I miss it? Am I too late?" Bakuda asked, running into the room and pushing straight past the gaggle of teenage girls still waiting near the entrance as she lugged a large bucket of popcorn about.

"We just started," Lisa replied as the seamstresses were tearing off Taylor's pajamas, then promptly turning her into a measuring-tape based mummy.

"I'm supposed to be the one in charge here!" she screamed, her protests nearly drowned out by the droning discussions of the dressmaking dames.

"One of the Runes brought back a twenty last night," Lisa said. "You could go burn it, buuuut you might wanna get dressed first."

"I have a closet full of my clothes right there!" Taylor shouted, pointing at an elegant, but 100% iron, armoire standing in the corner of my room. "I command you to bring me an outfit from there instead!"

"If that is your command, my lady," Lisa replied, holding up the hems of her dress and curtsying before slowly walking to the wardrobe.

"Oops!" Bakuda said, her eyes wide open in anticipation.

"What oops?" Taylor asked.

"I said, OOPS!" Bakuda repeated, stomping down on the floor with her foot.

"What are you playing at?"

"Oops oops oops!" the tirade continued, and on the fifth stomp, the armoire exploded into flames, then quickly collapsed itself into a highly localized singularity. "It turns out someone accidentally put one of my bombs in between your clothes by accident and then I accidentally set it off because of my clumsiness! What a disaster!"

"Like hell you did all of this by accident! You planned this, both of you! You're horrible minions! You don't even do what I want you to do!"

"Well duh," Bakuda replied, walking forward to put a hand on Taylor's shoulder, the other still holding the large bucket of popcorn. "That's because we're doing what you SHOULD want us to do. Because honey, you've been failing preeetty hard at exploiting your power so far. Now calm down and let the girls do their job while I get ready for round two."

"Round two?" Taylor asked, eyes wide open in fear.

She smiled, looking in the direction of the doorway, and Taylor's eyes went to Lisa, whose command was no longer applicable.

"Remember when I told you about how easy it was to recruit some people to make me dresses?" she asked. "Well, turns out offering food and shelter also works on homeless teenage girls, so I got us maids!"

Taylor looked at the remaining girls again, the ones that hadn't been college students. They were a miserable lot. Most of them looked dirty, not having showered in the handful of days since the original Bakuda's bomb had taken out the power grid and ruined the city. Most of them had dirty clothes, covered in a thin layer of the ash that had rained down over the area in which Lung had rampaged. They looked scared, hungry and confused, and though Taylor was pretty sure she recognized a few of them from school, she couldn't help but feel bad for them. If only her Chubster army had been better at taking down Lung, all of this wouldn't have happened.

"I feel kind of bad about all of this. Can't the Chubsters do everything instead?"

"Chubsters? No, no no no that won't do at all. I mean, how could you even think about using Chubsters for that and oh I see the miscommunication here."

"Miscommunication?" Taylor asked, the tailors wrapping her in rolls of fabric, then pinning it into place with needles before sewing everything in place.

"Imperfect translation," she said. "Of course we're using the Chubsters to clean. These are more like… Personal assistants? Ladies in waiting?"

"I don't need twenty PA's! I don't need a single PA!" Tayler yelled.

"Well, you heard it girls, back to the streets with you!" Lisa said with the cheer of an aristocrat looking down on the peasantry.

"But you said-" one of the girls started.

"Look girl, you heard the boss. She doesn't want to drown in luxury, so you'll have to go. Nothing I can do about it. I can't even take you for myself, because it would be improper for me to have more servants than my boss."

"Fine, I'll take them," Taylor replied, hearing an audible sigh of relief from the assembled gaggle. "But I have no idea what to do with twenty assistants."

"Well, you'll have a dozen," Lisa smirked. "I can take eight of them off your hands, make this a bit easier on you."

She'd planned this, Taylor thought. The royal bitch had planned all of this.


	25. Chapter 24

**Chapter 24**

"Mornin, Militia," Assault said, still yawning and rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he entered the situation room, a sturdy chamber in the middle of the rig, lit by chemical breaklights.

"Good morning Assault," she replied, stretching out her hands after a night of doing inkstained paperwork, wishing she had an excuse to do nothing for eight hours a day. "Did you sleep well?"

"Lots of tossing and turning from puppy, she still blames herself for everything."

"I guess I can understand that, even if it wasn't her fault" Hannah replied. "I have to admit, no more nightmares is one of my favorite perks."

"What's the situation like outside? Did anything change while I was sleeping?"

"Not really. Though it's hard to get proper intell without communications. The Empire is still a mess, and no-one can tell us why. Their territory seems to have been split up between the Merchants on one side, and an alliance between Coil, the Undersiders and the Travelers on the other. There's periodic skirmishes, but the Merchants seem to have recruited some of the Empire remnants, so they're not as outclassed as they were before."

"And the Northern half of town?" Assault asked.

"Recovering, or not deteriorating as fast as the rest of the city," she explained, motioning towards a hand-developed picture from what had to be the only remaining camera in town. It showed an image of the boat graveyard, with the biggest ship transformed into a massive steel fortress, more than twice as large as the Protectorate's floating base.

The main building was a massive steel box with docks and walkways just above the water-level, with the top of the box containing turrets and spires that looked more like a disney castle than actual protection the way the main part of the building did. Nevertheless, a soft coloured sheen was visible in the air around it, meaning someone had managed to build a forcefield only a few days after the fortress had started appearing.

"Summoner," Assault stated, the girl that had been responsible for most of the chaos of the last few days. From what they knew of her, she was able to summon different capes, she was absolutely insane, and the capes were absolutely loyal to her, even though they seemingly kept all of their memories.

"She scares me…" Militia said. "What if she summons me? Forces me to fight against myself?"

"Absolutely terrifying," Assault agreed, "Poor Chubster… How many is the latest count?"

"About a hundred of the metal-suited ones, patrolling the streets and keeping crime to a minimum."

"That's good, right?" Kid Win asked, entering the room as he fiddled with a strange crossbow-like device.

"Better than the rest of the city," Militia admitted. "Though from what I hear, they've been asking for protection money in cash, and there's rumours of people disappearing from the streets there. Furthermore, security doesn't help with all the other problems we're dealing with. Food, fresh water, shelter, medical care."

"And personal hygiene," Vista said a she entered the room.

"Not my fucking fault that I actually work out," Shadow Stalker sniped back, entering just behind her fellow Ward.

"Not the time girls, though I agree that we should con Armsmaster into setting up some sort of shower system," Militia said.

"And have it be all optimized? Can't Kid Win do it?" Vista asked.

"Dunno, maybe with some pipes? If I can build a portal…" Kid reacted,slotting a growing green bolt into the core of his crossbow.

"Anyway, what's the plan for today? Any news about Director Piggot? Who do I shoot?" Stalker asked.

"Still nothing, I fear most of them have died during the bombing of the headquarters. As for our mission, Velocity's been getting into contact with the farmers in the vicinity, and Armsmaster's been helping them out with some of them equipment. We'll be guarding several large shipments of food for the coming days."

"Guard duty? With half the city in flames? Are you fucking kidding me!" Shadow Stalker shouted in anger. "My friends could be dying out there!"

"And what, exactly, do you think will happen once the city runs out of food?" Colin asked, standing in the door without a shred of armor on him, his eyes sunk deep into his head. "I don't like it either, but making sure our city doesn't starve to death is more important than stopping a few violent thugs. The gangs can be beaten later, but we can't bring back the dead."

Stalker protested, Kid Win sputtered, Assault looked disapproving, but their leader had spoken.

***GACHA***

Sophia watched, bored, as the tractor slowly chugged along through the street. Scared faces looked at them out of windows, and as the evening had begun, more and more of them looked hungry. In a situation like this, humanity showed itself for what it truly was, a species of predators.

She smiled behind her mask. Whatever else, things would become interesting, and a city without electricity meant a city without her main weakness.

"How are you coping?" Velocity asked, appearing next to her out of nowhere.

"Bored, tense. Dunno. Don't like playing defense," she replied, still watching the crowds. Some people were using children to try and get their empathy, others were shouting as they approached the square the troopers had cleared beforehand.

"Reminds me of the army," Velocity said. "Hurry up and wait describes most of my days there."

"You ever shoot anyone?" Sophia asked.

"Almost, but I stopped myself in the end," Velocity replied in a sad voice.

"You see any capes on the way here? I'm real bored here."

"Nothing on the streets, but… you see that up there?" he asked, pointing at a nearby tower.

"I don't see anything," Stalker replied.

"Just beneath the roof, fourth window from the right."

"S'nothing there? It's just an apartment."

"With the lights on," Velocity said. "You want to investigate? Make sure no-one's burning down the building? I'll keep watch here, and I'll be there in a second if you need help."

"Sure, beats waiting," Sophia replied, grabbing her crossbow and jumping off of the tractor, soaring over the crowds with a power-assisted leap.

Reaching the building, she jumped straight through the wall, flashing through stone, then leaping up through the ceiling above.

Rooms of people flashed by as she repeatedly jumped upwards, increasing her vertical velocity. Less than half a minute after starting, she'd reached the top of the building, and looked down over the plaza, where the farming vehicles, laden down with corn and grain, were parking and getting ready to distribute their produce. Looking over the edge of the building, she could see a source of light just below her.

She shifted again, this time slowly moving through the floor below her, and looking into the room with just her head.

The room had been a normal apartment, at least a week ago. From the looks of it, the occupant had taken whatever valuables they could and bugged out, and now the only thing that remained was a white girl looking out of the window.

She wore a white tunic, somewhat like a Toga but a bit more practical, and her long blonde hair was held up in a high ponytail before cascading down her back. In contrast with her tunic, which on a second look seemed to be armored, her boots were made of strong boiled leather, of a make similar to her gloves and a quiver on her back. Her head was wrapped in a long white cloth, covering everything but her eyes, and her ponytail sticking out at the top. Athletic and slender, she held a bow in her hand, not readied, but the string shining brightly.

Sophia turned around in the ceiling, then dropped down behind the girl, crossbow at the ready.

Before she could say anything, the girl turned around, sparkling brown orbs looking Sophia in the eyes. "You're here fast? I think you very fast," she said, her voice vaguely familiar, but bearing a strange accent.

"Who are you? Who do you work for!" Sophia askied.

"Work for... girl in big iron castrum in water," she replied

"Castrum?"

"I think… Fort?"

"Summoner, you work for Summoner," Sophia said, taking a step back. This girl could be capable of anything, especially if she'd been mind-controlled by her master.

"I think… Yes, that is word. Summoned. You work… Protectorate? For Empress?"

"Empress?"

"Rebecca Julius Caesar? I think… Empress is word?"

"Rebecca Costa-Brown? The director of the PRT? She's just a paper-pusher," Sophia explained. "What are you doing here anyway? What'd your boss tell you to do?"

"Girl said… Get twenty? Was confusing, was bad at language? Still bad, but less bad?"

"Wait hold on… You didn't understand the language at all, so you haven't really been mastered?" Sophia asked, her mind racing to understand what kind of weird fucking power this had to be.

"I think… yes?"

"Wait, then why the fuck are you here?"

"Is… Man who teach language. He say hide. I hide, but…" a rumbling sound emanated from the girl's stomach.

Well, this was starting to be more interesting than fucking guard doty, Sophia thought. Her hand went to a small pocket on her hip, removing an energy bar and throwing it at the girl.

"Name's Shadow Stalker," she said, leaning back against the wall while the girl inspected the plastic wrapper. She took another out of her pocket, moved her mask a bit to the side, and took a bite. "Like this."

The girl took off the cloth around her face, showing delicate features that reminded Sophia of something half-forgotten, something she couldn't quite place. Girl was pretty. Not Emma-pretty, but pretty nonetheless, and Sophia could appreciate the grace with which the girl dropped to the ground, sitting on crossed legs.

"So you like, Roman or something?" she asked.

"Gaulish, but..." the girl replied, looking at her food while one of her hands rubbed at something unseen on her neck. "Grew up in Rome."

"There more of you?" Sophia asked.

"Some? I think… bird girl, fat man, girl with other girls? I think… Ten maybe?" she said.

Ten capes, all of them with crappy language skills, meaning they hadn't been correctly mastered. Good info, because it meant they could go out and recruit those capes, which meant actually doing something instead of keeping watch over a bunch of fucking tractors.

"So, you wanna come back to base with me? There's food, probably clean water soon,people you can talk to and shit."

The girl thought about it for a bit, taking a minute to finish her energy bar before shaking her head. "No… I think… scared?"

"I see," Sophia said, rethinking her opinion of the girl. Scared of people like the Wards? Who would ever be scared of those idiots? Then again, whatever weird alternate universe this girl came from, it was probably a bit different there if the Protectorate was led by the Roman Emperor. Stuff to think about.

"How about instead, I bring you food here, every day?" Sophia asked.

The girl looked at Sophia, studying the now visible face. "I think… yes?"

"Good," Sophia said, taking out a bag of jerky from her pocket and throwing it at the girl. "What's your name anyway? Fucking paperwork means I need something to write down if I want to requisition food for you."

"Sophie," the girl replied. "Old master like Greek names, more… not know word."

"No, I mean like, cape name?" Sophia asked, trying not to freak out as the name made a dozen little things suddenly fall into place.

"Lightstalker," the girl replied, her body momentarily losing its solidity, turning into a thick cloud of sparkling light, then back into Sophie again. "We meet tomorrow, yes?"

"Yeah," Sophia replied, putting her mask back on her face. "We'll definitely meet tomorrow."


	26. Chapter 25

"I gotta say Dennis, this has got to be your worst plan yet," Chris, AKA Kid Win, said as he looked around the corner

"Worse than baiting monster dogs into biting me Chris? Really?" Dennis, Blocker of Clocks, replied, his head appearing around the corner just above Chris's.

"That one only put you in mortal danger," Chris noted.

"Can't help but notice you're still here."

"I mean come on, do you see that? How could I not?" Chris replied, looking at the large metal fortress before them, currently connected to the mainland with a large metal drawbridge. At the gate, as well as on the ramparts and just patrolling through the area, were fat men in metal armor, sweating in the heat and so underfed they would soon be normal-sized men. That, however, wasn't the interesting part. No, the reason the two of them were here was far more important than a few perfect copies of a well-known and truly goodhearted person being forced into slavery and treated as less than human. The reason they were here, was the girls.

Walking in and out of the fort at irregular intervals were, first of all, the maids. Girls their age in the cutest of uniforms, going in and out of the city to shop, visit friends or family, or just go for a walk. That alone would be enough to get the heart of any redblooded Ward pumping, but there was more. Current intel suggested the presence of at least nine different Runes, each of them a cute blonde and only one or two of them a white supremacist. Good odds, those.

"Incomiiiiing!" a voice called out, and as Chris and Dennis looked up, they saw a girl with a mechanical arm coming out of the sky, crashing more than landing on the drawbridge with explosive violence. Black hair and a scary dark mask were matched by wooden wings with white feathers glued to them. He wasn't much of an aerodynamicist, but he was pretty sure that crashing was exactly what you'd expect from the set-up.

Seconds later, a second girl, this one with a bronze arm and some sort of toga but otherwise almost exactly the same, dropped down next to her, landing gracefully with fluttering wings.

"I told you, don't fly too close to the sun, it'll melt the wax!" Greek Icarus said, holding out a hand which her twin grabbed.

"That doesn't make any sense! It's colder up there, I even installed a cooling rig to make sure!"

"Yet you still dropped like a rock, same way I used to do."

"Shouldn't have called myself Icarus…" the girl mumbled before the pair of them took off in the direction of the fortress, armored Chubsters giving way to them as they approached.

Icarus, and other, hotter, Icarus, Dennis thought to himself. He wasn't quite sure which of them was better. Miss grimdark vigilante kind of reminded him of Shadow Stalker a bit, which was both a con and kind of interesting, while a girl in a toga just couldn't be ignored.

"So, shall we?" Chris asked, still staring at the two girls through his visor.

"Sure thing, let's do this!" Dennis replied, and the two of them stepped into the street, and made their way onto the drawbridge, stepping confidently past a mother with two children and a box of baby milk making her way out.

The sturdy metal under their feet, Dennis could see the Chubsters staring at them. Staring, but not stopping. His devious plan was working, they'd actually get in like this! Hell, they'd probably get mucho cred from Piggot for a successful infiltration once this was over.

"So, what do we do once we're inside?" Chris whispered to him, trying to act confident.

"We'll try to reach the top floor," Dennis replied. "That's where the most important capes are, from what I've heard."

"Her Lieutenants? The ones they call the 'Five-stars'?" Chris asked, wide eyes behind his darkened visor.

"Even better," Dennis replied. "It's where she keeps her waifus."

"Halt!" a voice suddenly called out as they approached the end of the bridge, a large and sharp portcullis floating menacingly above them, guarded by two Chubsters, one of them wearing a bikini instead of armor, the other obviously Lovecraft inspired, what with all the tentacles and such.

"What's wrong Chubby?" Dennis asked, trying to stare at the eyes, and not the naked body, of the offending Chubster.

"Don't think I recognize you," he said, giving them a heavy inspection. "Can't see your names either."

"Malfunctions sometimes," Chris quickly bluffed. "Have you tried turning yourself off and on again?"

"How would I do that?" the man asked.

"The first step? A mirror," Dennis proposed. "The second? I'd say porn, but you'd need working internet for that so… do they still make nudie mags?"

"Nevertheless, explain yourself, we do not recognize you," Ch'tubster said with seven mouths.

"That's simple," Dennis said. "I'm _The Clocker_ , a Clockblocker where a universe where all the heroes are villains and vice versa, but where the guys that are heroes here are called villains because they fight against the tyrannical regime of the Endbringer Kings. You can tell that I'm from a mirror universe because all my clocks run backwards, and the edgy black spikes on my armor are because my universe is stuck in the 90's."

"Seems legit," Chtubster said.

"Sadly yes," Bikini-man agreed. "And you?"

" _Kid Loser_ ," Chris replied. His armor spray-painted black for the occasion, black lipstick and a t-shirt from a shitty band over the chestpiece to make the picture complete. "I'm Kid Win but I think he's a poser and my shit is like, way tormented and stuff."

"Yeah, I remember when I had that phase," Ch'tubster said.

"So we can go in?" Dennis asked? Already stepping forwards into cute girl paradise when Bikinubster suddenly protested.

"Wait a second… something's off."

"What do you mean?" Ch'tubster asked.

"Kid Loser, don't you have anything to say to me?"

"Told you you should've gone with Kid Loss," Dennis whispered, happy that his sweat wouldn't show behind his helmet.

"It's a dead meme and it was never funny!" Chris whispered back before looking at the Ch'tubster "What do you mean sir?"

"What I mean is… I think you're a fucking poser!" his many mouths yelled out in anger. "What you would've said if you were a real goth and not a fucking poser was 'It's not a fucking phase and you're not my mom!'"

"Gotta admit, he has you there," Dennis stated, while Chris's hand went to his light-pistol (or rather, dark-pistol, given his current theme, he'd somehow managed to make black lasers.)

"We fighting our way out?" Chris asked.

"I thi-" Dennis started replying, when he was interrupted by a shouting tween.

"Hey fattie, Ninety-eight point three-seven-four-eight percent chance you let me through right away!" the girl shouted.

"The what now?" Ch'tubster asked, turning around and drawing what looked like a weapon stick out of one of his mouths.

"Eighty-seven percent chance I'll beat you up and leave you crying like a girl even younger than I am," the diminutive brunette continued.

"Yeah, like I'm going to buy that," the Bikinubster said, both of them seemingly forgetting about the two infiltrating Wards.

"I have super-powerful future sight and shit, I'd totally be five stars if I got summoned, just ask my buddy Hot-Hand!"

"Cinderhands?" three of Ch'tubster's seven mouths asked.

"I guess? My name's better though," the girl said. "Go tell him Dinah's here. He promised me he'd kidnap me over a week ago!"

"Fine, fine," Ch'tubster said, and as he did so, one of the tentacles on his back detached, and started squirming its way into the castle proper.


	27. Chapter 26

**Chapter 26**

Dinah was, as most people told her, a precocious child, with a great amount of personality, and not afraid to speak her mind. What that meant, she knew, was that she was a cheeky lil bitch.

"So, I'm guessing neither of you tried dating Sophia yet?" she asked, pulling the two idiots along.

Their faces, or what was visible of them, were wrenched in equal parts disgust and bewilderment.

"Look, all I'm saying is that pretending you work at a convenience store and then also rushing out for work during your cousin's birthday while Hookwolf is attacking a synagogue isn't exactly a good way to keep your cover. Now, I'm not sure whether this Sophia he kept complaining about is Stalker or Vista, but... Don't lewd the loli, 'kay?"

Kid Win nodded, while Clockblockers was just confused.

"Who exactly are you?" he asked.

"My cape name is Nonya," Dinah replied.

"Nony-" Kid Win started asking, but a quick punch to the mouth from CB put a stop to that.

"Awwww, 98.4572 percent chance that was going to work," Dinah said, pouting. She should've gone with Ligma instead, even if it didn't mesh with her previous remark.

She pulled the two forwards, moving through metal hallways that alternated between brand new chrome plated steel and rusting ocean liner. Some sort of tinker-made glowing chemical lined the roof of the halls (85.5234% chance she'd get cancer from licking it), and every now and then the middle of the floor of the halls was lined with carpet, carpets which, she'd noticed, the Chubsters weren't allowed to walk on. The sides of the hallway were painted with colored lines, and squiggly little symbols. Presumably, Chubster janitors didn't come with art skills.

"So, do you know where we're going? It looks like you're just as lost as we are." Kid Win asked.

"I think we should follow the red line," Dinah replied. "85.2943 percent chance it's where I need to go."

"What do you mean? You don't know where you have to go, or?"

"Powers bullshit," she replied, that answer usually worked, and by usually she meant seventy six point something percent. Not that she hadn't looked it up before, but trying to remember numbers to that level of precision was a bother, and unlike mister Snek, she wasn't anal-retentive enough to write all that shit down or put it on a computer. She only did that for future meme popularity levels, which was obviously far more important, even though she didn't know why a random zoo monkey was going to be the next big thing somewhere in the future, or why people had to remember him.

The red line would, hopefully, lead towards the generator or maybe the heating room where, hopefully, she'd find Cinderhands. He'd be able to kidnap her and provide her with barbequed meats and such, and then they'd be able to go find a Tinker to fix her phone. Being the one person in the city to be able to play Minecraft was bound to finally get her some Middle School cred that even fucking Missy wouldn't be able to deny her. Also, she could get her new honor guards girlfriends, which would decrease the chance of war between Gacha and the PRT by about fourteen point three seven six eight percentage points, which subsequently increased the chances of the TV system coming back online in time for a new season of Hannah Montana - Bet edition (about a Cape that was also secretly a pop star that had a secret life as a normal girl.) by seventeen point eight four zero seven percent.

"So, who or what are we looking for?" Clockblocker asked.

"My buddy Cinderhands," she replied.

"Known birdcaged supervillain Cinderhands?"

"Yup! He's a pretty chill dude, weirdly enough. I think prison really mellowed him out ever since Dragon gave them joints instead of cigarettes."

"Wait... She did that?"

"I dunno, but she should, shouldn't she? I mean, what are you gonna do, put the inmates in jail for smoking weed?"

"Wouldn't the munchies wreak havoc on the prison food supply?" Clockblockers asked. "Not that I've ever done drugs or anything like that..."

"Anyway, I think we've reached the place," Dinah noted, stopping in front of a pair of large metal doors with a flame painted on them, the smell of sweat, oil and fire coming from beyond it. Without hesitation, she threw open the door, stepped in, and- "Gotcha!" Cinderhands yelled, grabbing her around the middle and holding her up in front of him.

"About time ya lazy asshole," she yelled at him, maneuvering herself onto his shoulders, then taking a look around the room.

At the heart of the large hall was a big furnace, melting down metals and providing heat, connected to the rest of the base with metal pipes filled with hot water. Spread around that were crafting stations, filled with non-electronic tools and a dozen different Tinkers. On one side of the room, a large warning sign signified the working area of the Leets, while another warning sign showed Bakuda's slightly less dangerous bomb depository. In the corner, the two flying girls were working on their wings, while a Chubster was working on minting golden coins, a curly-haired queenly girl on one side, a burning twenty dollar bill on the other. Smart, Dinah thought. Replace dollar bills with something else and they'd decrease in cost while remaining useful for summoning. Lower the demand, and the price would decrease.

"Whatcha doing here anyway, lil' rug rat?" Cinderhands asked.

"Getting kidnapped," she replied. "you promised you would come get me a week ago.

"Before the bomb," he said, "that kind of put a halt on things."

"Well what with this whole Palace thing you've got going on, you better make me a princess for this!" Dinah pouted.

"I'll see what I can do. Should be easy to con a few maids away from the boss, though we already have a literal princess around. Maybe a religious post instead? I can probably set you up as the queen's personal prophetess or something."

"I'll think about it," Dinah said, mostly disappointed. Everyone knew that princess was the most important post in the court, and it was already taken. Maybe she could get rid of the current one? Have her married off to the president or something? Then again, that would set an awful precedent for when she was princess...

"And what are these guys for?" Cinderhands asked, looking at the two Wards.

"These two Wards were sneaking in to try and take a look at all the waifus, I think," Dinah replied. "like 80 percent sure of that. Anyway, they mostly just need to get themselves a date or something, before they turn into Acidbaths."

The boys looked insulted, yet hopeful.

"Clockblocker and Kid Win, right?" CH asked.

"Yeah," Clockblocker admitted, looking around the room.

"Well, you're in luck. Like half the non-Chubster summons are cute high-school aged cute girls for some reason, so there's plenty of bachelorettes to try your charm with. The problem, of course, being that teenage boys have just about zero charm."

"Hey!"

"Oh shut it Clock, ninety percent chance he's right I don't even have to use my power for that!" Dinah interjected from her high seat.

"But you can at least introduce us, right?" Kid Win asked.

"Possibly, though I can't promise anything more than that. Unlike Acidbath, I'm not skeevy enough to try ordering people for anything like this. Hell, even the boss won't go there, and the only thing worse at flirting than teenage boys is her."

"Cool/Sweet," the two exclaimed.

"So, you can introduce them to, like, the Icarii?" Dinah asked, pointing at the girls in the corner. Two of them, so they'd be done quickly and someone could get to fixing her phone.

"Well I could but ehrmmm, pretty sure it wouldn't work out?"

"Are they taken? Total bitches? I hang out with Shadow Stalker, I have a pretty high tolerance," Clockblocker said.

"Nah, none of that, she's nice. It's just that, I'm pretty sure they're... Y'know."

"You know what?" Kid Win asked, already fantasizing about hover-boarding next to an angelic chick with a cool bronze robot arm.

"She's uhm, from the other side?"

"She's a communist?"

"More like they're dykes."

"She's from the Netherlands? I love girls with an accent!"

"No, I mean, they're into puss"

"She's a crazy cat lady?"

"You're fucking with me, right? You gotta be..." Cinderhands said.

"Yeah..." Clockblocker said. "I get it, they're gay."

"You better think we're happy, cause I'm not gay!" two voices yelled out in chorus across the room.

"You totally are!" Cinderhands yelled back.

"No we're not!" Greek Icarus yelled back.

"Didn't you tell me you literally grew up on Lesbos?!"

"Shut up!"

"Anyway, Icarus is a no go, so let's go meet the boss!"

***Gacha ***

"-ent situation should be a good thing for the hardworking people of this city, but they cannot be competitive while taking care of their families because they're being outpriced! Your people completely take away our collective bargaining power as surely as hired thugs breaking our strikes would!" the angry man with the glasses yelled.

He was tall, tall enough that Dinah could look straight into his eyes from her position on top of Cinderhands, and he was yelling like a man with a lot of experience yelling at people.

One of the women on the other side of the room stepped forwards, long blonde hair in an intricate braid, and an elegant toga that looked like it was made from several pounds of lace and frills. "Mister Hebert, I am sorry, but I simply do not see how this is our problem. The Chubsters are a waste product of our process, would you rather we take them out back and shoot them instead? Their labor gives them purpose in life, would you take that away simply because they are too efficient?"

"I'm not talking to you, you... Hardlight hologram or whatever you are! I'm talking to my daughter!"

Dinah looked to the back of the room, where the girl with dark hair was sitting on her throne, cross-legged, reading a book. One of her maids walked up, bowing, then whispering something in her ear to make her look up from the tome.

She stood up, hair flowing down her shoulders, curls tamed with silk and jewelry, with a white and gold dress that trailed behind her, carried by a dozen girls in matching outfits. A silver circlet upon her brow, she looked down upon the petitioner as she handed her book off to an attendant. Quite regal for someone that smirked like a Cheshire cat whenever she summoned a cape, Dinah thought.

"What do you want dad? I already gave you more booze than that money would have paid for," the queen said.

"I want your Chubsters to stop stealing our jobs, and I want you to cut it out and come back home kiddo, you're not being yourself," the tormented dockworker said.

"And then what? Go back to school? Have Emma steal my phone again? The situation is a bit beyond that now."

"Taylor please, don't you see how your power is manipulating you? Look at yourself! What do you think your mother would say if she saw you like this, lording over all these people?"

Taylor scowled, eighty seven point three eight seven zero percent chance she was going to lash out somehow. Hopefully not at a non-Chubster.

"Take that back!" she stated with venom in her eyes, scowling as a wave of fear went through her servants.

"You know it's true Taylor, now cut it out with this charade and come back home with me. We can talk about the labor issue over dinner, but if you don't come with, I'm afraid I'll have to ground you!" Hebert said, putting on his dad voice. It wasn't a very good one.

Taylor turned away from him, sending her girls into a frenzy as they tried to keep up, running to stay in position behind her.

"Put him under house arrest in the tower," she stated, carefully keeping emotion out of her voice. "I'll decide on this labor issue later, just get him out of my sight first."

At once, forty different Chubsters stood to attention, and a half dozen heavily armed ones stepping forward to take hold of the protesting man.

"Don't worry, eighty-four point zero three three seven percent chance she secretly still loves you!" Dinah shouted, only to be met by an angry glare from the queen.

"Make that seventy-two!" she continued as the man was marched out of the throne room.

"Didn't I sell you back to your parents?" Taylor asked. "I could've sworn I burned a few thousand dollar from that."

"I kidnapped myself again," Dinah replied. "I need one of your fuckers to fix my phone, I wanna Yeet at people."

"Really Dinah? We were just in the workshop, now we'll have to go all the way back!" Cinderhands protested.

"And those two?" the blonde assistant asked.

"Undercover Wards," Cinderhands explained. "They're trying to score themselves a girlfriend."

"Speaking of which, hey there," Clockblocker said, having made his way across the room to right in front of Taylor, taking his helmet off and giving her what he probably thought was a charming smile.

Taylor took a step back, obviously puzzled by the teenager's introduction. "Hmmm... You're not waifu material, and you're not even a five-star..." she said, scratching her chin.

Clockblocker, being a master of seduction, responded by showing off his minimal biceps.

"...but you're kind of cute," Taylor concluded, turning to one of her attendants. "Bathe him before bringing him to my chambers, he smells sweaty. We'll talk over dinner, you like lasagna?"

"Sure? If you want to eat lasagna, then I love lasagna!" the redhead said.

"Good, now unless there's something important, I'm going to finish my book," Taylor said, walking back to her throne as her attendant brought her her book again, a finger on the line where she'd been.

"What about you?" the adviser asked, having walked up to Kid Win.

"I uhmmm..." the boy stammered.

"Do you like redheads? Geeky girls? Brunettes? Curly or straight hair? Any preferences in race or ethnicity? Maybe a classical beauty? We've literally got those. Or maybe a blonde? Get some blue blood in there?" she asked, and with the last two descriptors, she stepped even closer to the boy, touching a finger to his chest, then trailing it up to his chin to lift it up, looking him in the eyes.

"I uhmmm I was just looking for a date or something, y'know, not anythi-"

"Nonsense boy, you're a Ward, an important representative from one of the more powerful organizations on the continent. Think of it like a political arrangement, tying our groups together by making you romantically successful."

"I really don't want anyone to be mind-controlled into liking me or anything like that," the boy stammered.

"Think of it like an arranged marriage without all the icky stuff. If it doesn't work out between you, just swap her out and try with someone else!" the girl said, smiling as she moved her hand from his chin to his cheek.

Smart, Dinah thought. Ninety seven point four two three seven percent chance it was a plot to show off the amount and variety of capes they had to the Protectorate.

"I uhmmm, okay?"

"So who you want to try first? Weldette? Spit-Greek-Fire? One of the Runes? We've got some dudes, though I don't think that's your type... I can hook you up with one of the maids? Maybe one of the dress-making girls if you like them older?" the girl asked with a sly smile.

"I uhmmm... I don't think I feel comfortable with you manipulating someone else into dating me," Kid Win said, falling straight into the trap.

"Well, if you insist..." the princess said, quickly hooking her arm through Kid Win's, then pulling him towards the door, a half dozen maids following them. "Now that we're a couple, let's have a chat with Piggot and Armsmasters, shall we?"

Dinah stared as the door closed behind them. "Damn she's good..."

"I know right? Anyway, let's go find Bakuda, she's in charge of the tech," Cinderhands said.

"Because she's a Tinker?"

"Because she bites anyone that tries to touch the TV, literally!" he replied, holding up his arm. "Just look at the marks!"


	28. Chapter 27

**Chapter 27**

"Move along sir, you're only making this harder on yourself," the fat man, who'd probably never worked a day in his life before, said.

"This is ridiculous! I'm not one of you… whatever you are, I'm real! This is illegal detainment, kidnapping! All these girls should be in school instead of wearing maid outfits!"

The Chubster didn't reply, instead pushing him forwards, through a heavy steel door, into a dark room. Danny tried to yell, but the door slammed shut behind him, leaving him in near total darkness.

"She's a minor! I'm her father, she has to listen to me, so you have to listen to me! Let me out! Let me out or I'll…"

"Calm down, it's useless," someone said, mimicking his voice. Danny turned back to the room, his eyes quickly starting to adapt to the light-levels inside. He couldn't see much, but there were dim outlines, and the air smelled of burned flesh and human waste.

"Who said that?" he asked, putting his back to the door.

"It's me, you," the voice replied, coming from a different place, just in front of him.

Danny trembled, his legs giving away as shadows just beyond his sight started moving.

"Who… what are you…" he asked, hearing movement all around the ark room, echoes of them bouncing off the steel walls. Things scurrying across the ground, through the vents.

Just what the hell was his daughter doing? What was going on here?

"Don't you get it? We are-" the words cut off, the invisible thing in front of him audibly stumbling. A horrible noise came out, followed by an acrid stench, and the sound of coughing. Seconds later, something smashed into Danny's chest, wet, warm, and… furry?

The first projectile was followed by another, then another, then a dozen more. Mucus-coated rats scurried across Danny, the acidic bile biting its way through his clothes as the rats entered through freshly chewed holes in his clothes.

Danny screamed, jumping and rolling, trying to get the beasts off of him as he moved through the disgusting ooze on the ground, his body covered in filth and crushed rat corpses, his mind filled with visions of five-dimensional stars.

***Gacha***

"Hey, how you doing?" Sophia asked, walking over the top of the crane, towards the edge of the jib, as she knew it was called.

"Surviving," Sophie replied, sitting on the furthest edge of the metal structure, her naked legs dangling down into the air. Neither girl was wearing a costume. One of the positive sides of the current situation. No electronics meant no cameras, at least none that could zoom in enough to record their faces up here.

Sophia sat down next to the girl, dropping a lunchbox on Sophie's lap while opening her own. It had been lonely, these last few days. The Wards were idiots, the Protectorate didn't take her seriously, and Emma's father had fled town with the family after the redhead had gotten a mental breakdown from the repeated Chubster patrols right in front of her house.

"What is…?" Sophie asked, holding up part of her lunch.

"Corn on the cob?" Sophia answered, taking her own out of its box. "You eat it like this."

Sophie looked carefully as Sophia bit into the corn, eating away while the other her observed. The girl smiled, white teeth matching a white tunic that stopped just above her knees. The girl didn't wear shoes when she could get away with it, and Sophia knew why. Their power, while slightly different, would automatically activate when stepping on something sharp, so there was no real danger either way.

"Is it… good?" the girl asked her.

"Not as good as popped corn, but it's okay," Sophia replied, looking out on the city below, where man had returned to its true nature. These PRT-supported lunch-outings, while not too insufferable, were keeping her way from her job, her duty, her calling, to remind the people of this city that there was still a law, and that people like Sophia would be there to take them down when they broke it.

Sophia looked at the other girl, wondering what her life had been like. Had she hunted down people twice her age when she was thirteen? Met her own Emma? Been thrown into their version of the Wards? What was the Roman version of cape-camp like? Some sort of military training? Sophie was biting away on her cob, quickly taking in the nutrients the thin girl so sorely needed. She was thin, too thin, and Sophia didn't know if it was something she'd always been, or something more recent, caused by conditions in the city.

"Is good," Sophie said once she finished, smiling at her.

"Hold on," Sophia replied, bringing her hand to Sophie's face. "You've got something in your teeth."

"Teeth?" the girl asked, as Sophia picked a bit of corn out of her teeth. "Ah, teeth, dentes. Thank you."

"So, how's your day been?" Sophia asked.

"Watching… liking the weather," the girl replied.

"See anything interesting?"

"There are… those little dogs, the ones in bags? I do not understand. Also, I saw big dogs, last night. Real big dogs, almost like elephant, with girl on them."

"Hellhound, the Undersiders… I hate them."

"Also… other men? Warriors, with… what is name again, like crossbow, but…"

"Guns? Rifles?"

"Yes, guns which were like my bow, I don't know how…"

"Lasers?"

"I think? I tracked men, followed car, found house, but I think not home?"

"An outpost? Of guys with lasers? Should be Coil's guys," Sophia replied, still chipping away at the contents of her lunch box. "You want to go take them down?"

***Gacha***

"Blablabla call for back-up, blablabla don't take any risks, blablabla nonlethal takedowns. Yeah, I get it, I got it the first thirty times, okay?" Sophia complained as Armsmaster put the communication device in her ear.

"I can't help but recall that that's almost exactly what you claimed last month, and back in January, and in half the reports from San Diego," Armsmaster replied with a grumpy face. The man was wearing a non-powered suit of armor, his tinkering having gone to making the halberd and a few communicators like the one Sophia currently had.

"It's just a few guys without powers, I've been taking those down since I was thirteen, what's the fucking problem?"

"The problem is that these are heavily trained mercenaries, and that your blonde friend claims they had lasers."

"So? What's the difference between a laser and a gun if they don't know where I am either way? We'll go in through the wall, snipe them from behind, clean up easy peasy. I've done it a dozen times, you know I have!"

"Most of those in training scenarios, or against drugged out dealers. These guys have working Lasers, which means they have electricity, which means the two of you are going to have to be careful."

"Like I've never dealt with that before, I'll be fine."

"You don't have your sensor, if you'll recall, so don't go through any new walls, and be careful with older ones if you see them plugging stuff in, okay? We can't afford to lose you here Stalker you're one of the few people I can depend on to clean up whatever situation I send you at."

"About time you recognized that," Sophia mumbled under her breath, looking away as she put on her mask. "Can I go now?"

"Go ahead," Armsmaster replied. "And remember to tell Sophie about the dangers of electricity, she might not have come into contact with it before."

"Sure thing boss, you can rely on me," Sophia replied, giving him a thumbs up as she walked away from Armsmaster with confidence, shifting right through the walls as she left the room.

Colin sighed, then turned around, leaving his ruined laboratory and making his way to the one working coffee-machine in the city, courtesy of Kid Win.

"How'd it go?" Hannah asked, geared up as always.

"Your plan worked," Colin replied. "Just wish I'd thought of it sooner, how'd you even figure that one out?"

"Really?" Hannah asked, pitch-black cup of joe in hands. "The entire 'I'm the only capable person on this entire team' thing didn't give it away?"

"Youth Guard won't be happy with this stuff, it's against regulations."

"Youth Guard doesn't exist anymore," Militia replied. "Nor does anything resembling the American government. And when it comes to manipulating children that fancy themselves soldiers, let's just say I have quite a bit of experience."


	29. Pretentious Poetry interlude

_"Three Runes for the flying Tinkers under the sky,  
Seven for the Nazi-lord in his hall of steel,  
Nine for Mortal Taylor doomed to die,  
One for the Cannibal Lord on his Chubster Throne  
In the sewers, where the Shadows lie.  
One Rune to rule the Chubsters, One Rune to find them.  
One to bring them all, and in the darkness feed them  
In the sewers, where the fat one lies."_


	30. Chapter 28

**GACHA 28**  
 _Minutes after the E-Day_

The first sign that something was wrong was a dull thud, the second, a worried cry.

"I… my arm…" Icarus spoke, just barely audible over the sound of the roaring wind.

Augustus turned around, looking at the girl, her wings and arm completely deactivated. Did this Universe's Lung have an electromagnetic strike somehow? Perhaps, perhaps not. Not much he could do about it but get the girl back to the city and see how bad the damage was.

"Keep flying," he told the Runes, all six of them launching them forwards through the sky as the coastline quickly came into view. Fire, not electrical lights, notified him of the city's location.

"Where are we going?" one of them asked.

"The base, to drop off our wounded. After that, the Medhall building."

Most of the Runes nodded, only one of them, the one in the uniform, didn't seem very enthusiastic. He'd have to do something about that, maybe find a cape that shot bolts of self-awareness or something. She was just a kid after all.

The base itself, he noticed, was still properly defended, and with Lung taken out of the picture, everyone was mostly just panicking about the lack of electricity.

Bakuda then? In his world, she'd solved global warming with an ice-cap refreezing bomb that had doubled the available penguin territory. If she'd turned her skills towards evil rather than good, disabling electricity -in America if not the entire world- could potentially be within her capabilities.

Throwing the wounded tinker over his shoulder, Augustus jumped down and handed the girl to a Chubster. "Make sure she gets medical treatment," he stated, before creating a massive nerd-pole of steel beneath his feet, launching him back towards the flying platform.

"Let's go," he said, steeling his mind. He'd trained himself, forged his body and soul in the hottest crucibles he could find, turning himself into a weapon. The question was, would it be enough to defeat his greatest enemy yet?

***

"-he men are really afraid, what with all the electronics down and-"

"Shut up!" Kaiser shouted, spit flying out of his mouth and landing on the lieutenants face. "You are all weak and scared little manlet ducks! This is all because you kept masturbating! It saps away your male vital energy! Your manergy!"

"I know sir, but, well, y'know…"

"Well what?"

"Well, the uhmmm, the men claim that it's been hard for them sir, that they can't find female companionship."

"What do you mean? We're the Aryan ideal! We have really cool outfits! What's not to like? They must not be cleaning their rooms. If they only read 12 rules-"

"I know right? Like, just yesterday, I was on a date with this girl, and when I told her women were just naturally inferior to men she just up and left in the middle of the conversation! One of them even yelled at me when I showed her my ink!"

"The Swastika on your torso?" Kaiser asked.

"It's gonna be a maze…"

An awkward silence fell, during which Kaiser tried to figure out what was to blame for their current predicament. The quality of the new troops, probably. Back in the good old days, White Supremacists were cool, buff dudes with motorcycles and gallons of beer. These days, all he could get was sweaty nerds that kept doing little pirouettes before firing and talked about Adolf-onee chan a lot. Degenerates, the lot of them.

Glass shattered, and a massive shock swept through the Medhall building. Kaiser looked around, reinforcing the walls of the room with steel. An attack? Hadn't Krieg told him Lung was gone just before the power went out? Had it been a bomb?

"Get me my dog-whip!" he yelled, goose-marching out of the room as one of his men handed him the weapon. It was totally cool, just like the one Hitler had once used.

Once in the main lobby, he saw a great pile of broken glass in front of the building. Something had rammed it at ludicrous speed, one of Gacha's men per-

"What's that super-villain doing in my building!" Someone shouted in a voice he almost recognized. Spinning his head around as people in the lobby started panicking, he saw the source, himself.

Only… standing taller, a straighter back, blue-er eyes and hair that was actually blonde. A sculpted physique that didn't rely on a chest-plate that came with its own six-pack and his trademark Kaiser-nipples. It wasn't weird, because the Romans had done it too.

"Shoot him!" Kaiser commanded, but most of his men were looking confused as a new set of armor started materializing around the intruder. More than that, he was flanked not just by a random lieutenant and a few goons, but by some of the Empire's capes. Rune, the traitorous little twerp, was standing next to the false Kaiser on one side, and on the other side stood… also Rune?

『GIANT ROCK IN FACE!』

Another boulder, presumably similar to the one that had first hit the building, crashed through the large glass front of the building, with three more Runes jumping off of it just before-

Kaiser frantically arranged a massive barrier of blades in front of them, shattering at the moment of impact with the boulder, but still slowing it before he would get cru- "ugh…"

He looked down, finding another metal blade coming out of his stomach, one he hadn't created, turning around, he saw the pretender pole-vaulting towards him, the pole extending in the man's hands.

Foolish, he knew. He'd destroyed dozens of people trying to rush at him, and just as always, he quickly prepared a thick spear-wall between him and the fake as a massive boulder crushed into him, breaking plate-metal and bone as the fake him threw a small dart that quickly grew into a large net in mid-air. Half-crushed, he tried to block the net by spearing it with steel, but as he did so, a second blade joined the one already in his stomach, growing from the floor beneath him.

He tried to scream, twisting away so he could see his enemies, but felt his body disobey his orders, too weak to do what he needed to do.

"See, toldya it'd be easy if we boarded in here on the rock," one of the Runes said, her face filled with holes that had, half an hour ago, contained piercings.

"Be wary, he is, after all, my equal."

"Yeah, but he's also a Nazi, he's probably like, high on amphetamines and shit."

"Bet he plays Fortnite too," one of the others said.

"Hey, I like Fortnite!" a third teenage girl yelled. 'I can do all the dances!"

"Yeah, cause everyone playing it is your mental age!"

"Oh fuck off you play that fucking Catholic Saints GO game on your phone!"

"Better than that weeb shit with those pocket monsters!"

"Pokémon isn't weeb shit!"

"It totally is! Yer a weeb!"

"No she's not! I'm the weeb! We're a noble breed!"

As the girls argued in the corner of his fading vision, he felt the life seeping out of him, knowing that he would finally see his Heith again.

"You know what I'm going to do next, you little Nazi fuck wearing my face?" a voice whispered in his ear.

"Glrblgrbl," he replied, blood gargling in his throat.

"I'm going to find your wife, and I'm going to make a proper, non-racist woman out of her, and then I'm going to marry her and make her happier than you ever did.

Max tried to breathe, but only blood filled up his lungs as his eyes gave out.

"They've been divorced for about a year, y'know," one of the Runes softly spoke.

"Makes things easier for me," the impostor replied. "Dating grieving widows is just so passé" 


	31. Chapter 29

**Gacha 29**  
 _*Back in the present*_

Hieroglyph looked out over the massive city from on high, the thick blanket wrapped around her for warmth. In the far distance, she could see people swarming around a strange winged snake on the hillside, lit by unnatural lights created by steel boxes. Everyone had been happy about those boxes, though they freaked Cass out, the way they send shadows running everywhere.

She heard the wall open behind her. No, not wall, door. It was all very confusing, this strange world with barely any sand. By Osiris, the buildings weren't even shaped properly.

"Watcha doing?" her doppelganger asked, and Cassiopatra turned to see the unnaturally blue hair of one of her counterparts.

"Watching," Cass replied, trying to get a read on the girl. She'd decorated herself with metal rings, her hair had been dyed with some strange magical potion. Her new… what was the word again, domicile-buddy? Yes, that felt right. Her domicile-buddy had offered to dye Hiero's hair too, but she hadn't thought it to be safe.

Didn't these people understand anything? The measure of a man was found by how he looked. His clothes, his tools, the markings on his body. The kohl around a woman's eye wasn't merely decoration to be changed on a whim, it was a mark of status. Especially now, with over a dozen Cassiopatra's running around, it was their clothes and accessories that set them apart. If she had One's hair color, her clothes, and her jewelry, would she wake up in her body with her memories? In his strange world of stone, steel, and solid water "windows", anything seemed possible. By Osiris, perhaps it had already happened. Perhaps she'd put on an Egyptian dress and jewelry in the evening for a lark, and then woken up as Cassiopatra without remembering a thing?

"You know you can just grab a jacket if you're cold right? We're all the same size, even if that doesn't really make sense given diet and shizzle like that. You can totes rock my look if you want, instead of those rags."

"Not rags," Cass replied, focusing on the one word she actually knew. The weird dude with the shitty haircut had told her the words would come easily if she kept talking with people, but very few people around here were worth talking to. Almost none of them had pyramids. "Kalasiris"

"Well yeah, but it's obviously made for the desert? Just throw a hoodie over it, hoodies go with everything!"

"Blankie keeps me warm," she retorted, hugging the massive cloth to herself. It was the best part of this strange new world, better even than the device that summoned warm rain on command, or the massive wall-sized mirrors, or the indoor outhouses that did not stink.

"Well, I'm gonna go to the fire escape and grind the railing all the way down all fifty floors!" the girl said. "You wanna watch?"

"You'll die," Hiero replied. Osiris would find the other girl wanting. A sad fate. She would have to recruit the rest of the Runes to make a pyramid for the dead girl, just like she'd done back in the land of the Nile. Luckily, she would have help now, lots of pyramid-builders had been summoned by her new pharaoh.

"Nah, you see, Cinderhands told me a little trick this morning," the other girl said with a weird smile on her face. "Can you keep a secret?"

"A secret?" she asked.

"Of course you can, you barely say more than five words a day! Anyway, CH was dealing with a small worker's rights argument among the Chubsters, and turns out that, if you kill them, you get stronger!"

"Fatty's heavy. Good workout," Cass replied, wondering what the hell the girl was going on about.

"No, I mean, I'm like level six now! Just now, I crashed off of my board -on purpose mind you, I never fall by accident- and didn't even get any road rash! I'm way sturdier and stronger!"

"Uh-huh," Cass replied, turning back to the window again, looking at the city. From the top of the renovated Medhall tower, she could see just about everything. The big steel fortress in the water, the slightly smaller, less amazing steel fortress that was also in the water. The small lights in the streets below, wrecked iron carriages, the flying man with the glowing spear and shield. He wasn't Hellenic, for some weird reason. No, he was just a man pretending to be Hellenic, a native of this strange world.

"What, you've got the hots for Dauntless? I can probably set you up with Daunty if you want."

"I like Theo," she replied. She didn't, not really. Sure, the boy was nice, and unlike most of the people claimed to be attractive in this world, he actually had some fat on him. But more than that, the other Runes liked him, so she did too. If not, would she keep being herself?

"Awww, come on! It's your turn in two days right? We'll swap! You'll have more time to focus on learning the language!"

Cass looked away and harrumphed, staring off in the distance.

"Fine! I'll just charm him with my awesome skateboard skills! Just you watch, I'm the best!" the skater replied, grabbing her board and moving out of the door.

***Gacha***

"So the trolley will keep going, and you can't stop it, but you can change its course," Augustus explained, a long metal pointing stick holding a marker pointed at a whiteboard that, at the top of it, had the words 'De-Nazi-fication for dummies, Lesson 1'. "Now, If the trolley stays on course, It'll hit an innocent man of Peruvian heritage. However, if you flip the switch, the trolley will change course and smash into a Ku Klux Klan rally, presumably killing several of them. What do you do?"

"I uhmm… are the people at the rally wearing their outfits?" Kayden asked.

"Of course they are, otherwise you wouldn't know they were supporters of the cause!" Eins said, wearing a freshly pressed nazi uniform. Where she'd found a laundromat with the city in its current state, he had no idea.

"So uhmm… Do I know if any of my friends are at the rally? Because I'm not racist, but it'd be really awkward if we were watching a game and they'd be like 'Hey Kayden, did you kill Dave' and I'd have to tell them that I did to save some foreign kid."

"Wrong answer!" Augustus said, his tone low and forceful. "If they're wearing Klan outfits, that means they're horrible people, and therefore not your friends!"

"What if they're um, you know, uhm… from that, well, movie?" one of the other Runes, the one with the over-sized sleeves, said. She'd been bored, and was watching the class from the sidelines.

"Check for camera crews?" he suggested.

The girl nodded at him.

"Anyway, it's obvious isn't it? I use my power on the trolley so the Klan members can deal with the kid themselves!" Rune said.

A bar of metal above the girl's head started growing, touching a bucket of water and tipping it over ever so slightly, spraying the girl with a wet splash.

"Hey! No fair, you didn't splash her when she said her thing!" the girl said, pointing an accusatory finger at the adult woman in the school bench next to her.

"True," Augustus said, activating the other mechanism as well.

"This is ridiculous! As a mothe-"

Augustus glared at her, looking at a women whose alternate universe counterpart he'd once loved, before he met James Cameron. So similar, yet so different.

"So, let's try this in a simpler scenario! Two tracks, one of them with a skinhead running a dog-fighting ring, the other with an old lady.

"Oooh let me, I know this one!" Eins yelled, and Augustus effortlessly raised a single eyebrow.

"You let the trolley hit the old lady, because she's close to the end and won't miss out on much. Then you grab the skinhead and yell at him to tell you where his fighting-ring is!"

"You know what, not what I wanted to hear, but proactive about curtailing criminal and inhumane activities. I'll give it a pass."

"Yeah baby, I did it!" Rune yelled out, fist-pumping the air. "And I even get to watch the dog-fights!"

A sigh, a shift of the metal, another splash, followed by knocking from outside.

"What is it?" Max asked, after which two more Runes barged into the makeshift classroom, one of them holding a package behind her back. One and the new British one that kept making elaborate cakes for all occasions.

Sup boss, we got an idea that could totally help!

"What is it?" he asked with some apprehension, remembering the 'city-wide skate-park to replace cars' idea she'd come up with.

"Well, you know how our Egyptian gal keeps thinking that if she wears something else, she'll wake up a different Rune?"

"Where's this going?"

"Well, what if it's true? Instead of these stupid classes, we could just give Eins a new outfit!"

"Bullshit! No way, I wouldn't do that even if I wanted to change!" Eins yelled, wiping wet hair out of her eyes.

"I dare say you totally would mayhaps do such a thing," the British gal said. "Did'st not our fair queen, long may she reign, tell you to, and I doth quote her words 'Try not being such a fucking Nazi?'"

Eins pouted, biting her lip.

"Either way, I don't think it'll work," Augustus said. "Plenty of us are wearing outfits radically different from when we were summoned, and none of us have changed in that manner so far, so that plan's a bust."

"Yeah, no de-Nazi-fication by outfit for me!" Eins added in.

"What if we already have the pompoms with us tough?" Skater Rune asked, unveiling two big balls of glittery fluffiness from the package.

"You know what? It's worth a try. Eins, go get changed, then return to see if you do better that way!" he commanded.

"Butbutbut-"

"No butts! Get something dry to wear!" he commanded, glaring at the child with his dad-eyes.

The girl stood up, dripping wet and moping, and was led out of the room by three for her fellow Runes.

 **[Waffen-SS Rune is evolving? Waffen-SS Rune evolved into Cheerleader Rune?]**

"Kayden?" he asked as the teenagers had left the room, putting his attention on the attractive and distracted woman. "Your answer to the problem?"

"Uhmmm… Hold on, let me think… Can I have some paper, or…"

"This is supposed to be easy Kay, I think you can do without."

"Okay, okay, uhm… I pull the lever and send the trolley to the skinhead? Cause he's the guy running the dog-fights, AKA Hookwolf, so it won't actually hurt him?"

Another sigh. "And if it's not Hookwolf?"

"Let it go to the old lady. I mean, he's obviously got a job, probably has a wife and kids that depend on the income from his puppy-mangling. Plus, if Hookwolf stopped running the rings, it's probably in the hands of one of the skinheads I actually like, you know?"

Palm met forehead, water met waifu.

"We've got a long way to go…"


End file.
